Instead of writing poetry I have turned, instead, to writing a story, or more accurately, a scene. It is a scene that is familiar to many people in America today; a lot of people who have a sexual orientation other than straight have to stay closeted to certain people in their lives because of the heteronormative society we live in. For some, the experience of coming out is horrific, and for others it is joyful, but no matter what, it can put stress on the person. In this scene I explore the stress of a character who is keeping being gay a secret to all but his direct family.
“So, got a girlfriend yet? I bet you drive the ladies crazy,” my uncle said as he opened a beer and offered me one.
I gave him a hand gesture to decline. “No,” I said while my mind drifted to my boyfriend, who was probably at work by now.
“Is your friend Zach still dating that pretty girl? I haven’t seen her around,” my uncle continued, not seeming to notice my cringing at the mention of her.
“No, they broke up last year,” I mumbled.
“Really? Wow, it has been a while since I’ve seen you two. I guess I’ll have to visit more often. And where is Zach today? I expected him to be here?”
“He’s at work,” I replied, feeling sweat form on my temple even though there was no way of my uncle finding out.
“Ah, that’s a shame,” he said as my aunt’s voice called his name from across the yard. “Well, duty calls. We can pick up our conversation later.”
I nodded and grabbed a lemonade. As I popped it open, I scanned the yard to decide who to go stand by next. My middle school-aged cousins were all sitting around in a circle and talking, so I decided to join them.
When I sat down they turned and greeted me, “Hey, Caleb. How was your first year of college?” the eldest, Rachel, asked.
“It was fun, I met a lot of new people,” I replied with a smile.
“How was your roommate?” Ian, her brother, asked.
I sighed and thought for a moment. “Um, all right.”
“That doesn’t sound good. He wasn’t gay or anything, was he?” Ian asked, his face wrinkling slightly.
“No.” The word came out harsher than I intended, “He just partied all the time and had people in our room most nights.”
“Oh, OK,” Ian said. “Hopefully you have a better roommate next year. Too bad Zach didn’t go to your college. You two would be great roommates.”
“Yeah, we would’ve,” I agreed and smiled a little.
“Let’s play tag. C’mon! I’ve been waiting forever!” the youngest whined.
Rachel rolled her eyes, “Fine, Tom, we’ll play now.”
Everyone got up, and Tom instantly tagged Ian. “Tag you’re it!”
Ian started chasing Tom, leaving me and Rachel behind.
“It’s such a kid’s game. I can’t wait for high school,” she sighed.
I smiled, “I’m sure you’ll have a great first year. It can be fun.”
She smiled back, and we hugged for a moment then she ran off with them. I quickly made my escape into the house to grab a snack.
My mom was standing inside at the counter preparing food while speaking with my uncle. I stood just behind the dividing wall between the kitchen and the dining room to listen in.
“Wait, Zach is dating a boy now? But wasn’t he just with that girl Tamra?” my uncle asked.
“Yes, well, he likes boys and girls,” Mom replied.
My uncle laughed a little then quieted down. “You know that’s not possible right? I mean, how does Caleb feel about it? Is Zach, like, gay for him? I wouldn’t feel very comfortable being so close to him.”
Mom sighed a little. “Yes, he’s fine with it. Most people are.”
“Well,” my uncle said after a bit of a pause, “at least we don’t have to worry about Caleb thinking of dating him or anything. Kid’s a hit with the ladies. Hell, if my kids weren’t related to him, I think Rachel would have a crush on him.”
“Maybe she would,” my mom said dismissively.
“Why are you upset all of a sudden?” he asked.
“I’m fine. There’s just a lot to do, y’know?”
“Yeah,” he sighed and scratched his head. “I’m sorry ‘bout what I said if that bothered you. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, I’m just not used to the idea. And I don’t know what I’d do if it was my own kid, y’know?”
“Yeah,” my mom replied as a tear streamed down my face. I wiped at it and cursed my emotions for letting me be upset so easily.
“Loving them is probably the most rational option,” she said.
“You’re right,” he said. “Well, I won’t bother you anymore. I’m gonna go head out back.”
I quickly moved through the living room and up the stairs as the tears started streaming down my face. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see that Zach had just gotten out of work early due to the air conditioning breaking.
“Can I come over?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I replied.
“What’s wrong? Your family? Don’t worry, they won’t know, Cay.”
“OL,” I typed.
“I love you, and I’ll see you soon,” he said.
I smiled and wiped away the remaining tears, “I love you, too. Have a safe drive.”
I laid back on my bed and closed my eyes until the doorbell rang.
