About a month ago, I boarded a plane heading to Denver, Colorado, full of nervous anticipation. My final destination was Colorado State University and the Ultimate Training Camp, a week long camp put on by the Christian organization Athletes in Action, where college athletes learn to apply their faith to their sports. After watching highlight videos and hearing the powerful testimonies of people who had gone in the past, I was incredibly excited, but I was also a little scared. What if everyone else felt it - that mountaintop, life changing experience - but I somehow left feeling as if something was missing? I can be a little shy and apprehensive when faced with new situations, and I was worried that I would get in my own way. I prayed that God would open my heart and mind to whatever wonderful things He had in store for me that week, and now I'd like to share a couple of the truths that stuck with me the most.
I think most collegiate and professional athletes (and musicians, actors, or writers for that matter) struggle with the need to constantly impress other people with their performances, and I am no different. Even if I don't consciously acknowledge it all the time, I want to run well to prove to my coaches and teammates that I belong competing at the Division-1 level. I am concerned with earning a spot on the conference team, and I want to be thought of as a strong, smart, and talented runner. Oftentimes, the person I most want to prove to my worth to is myself, and I can be a pretty hard person to please. Camp reinforced a truth that I had heard many times - that God accepts me no matter what I do or how well I do it - but that week was the first time I truly felt it. When you begin to define your worth by what God says is true about you and not what the world thinks, you feel free. I've noticed that as I've started to get back into running coming off an injury, my inner dialogue has shifted from one of anxiety to one of gratitude. Instead of thinking, "Oh no, I'm so out of shape, I'm probably so far behind all my teammates", I find myself thinking "I'm so grateful for the ability to run pain free and be back doing what I love."
Another lesson that the UTC staff taught us was how to "reset", or refocus ourselves whenever there is downtime in competition or practice. Most of the campers found that it seemed natural to try not to dwell on our mistakes, but it was harder to reset when we were winning or on top of our game. I personally struggle with this, as my first thoughts after crushing a workout or running a new personal best in a race are usually along the lines of "Wow, all my hard work is really paying off." While it is important to be proud of myself, it is more important to remember who my ability to run comes from. Whenever I accomplish something great through running, it is God working through me, and I believe that we are meant to use our successes as platforms from which to serve His purpose. I think one way I can do this is, again, by being thankful. God led me to an environment where I get to be taught by an amazing coach and train with extremely talented teammates so that I can maximize the gifts that He gave me. I still want to be happy for my successes, but hopefully moving forward I can keep in mind that my triumphs are not my own doing and that I should not be so quick to give myself all the praise.
On the way home from Colorado, I was overcome with this urge to share what I learned with others, but sometimes it can be so hard to describe an experience that has had such a profound impact on me, so I hope my words resonated with you. I'd like to thank Athletes in Action for making this incredible week possible for me, and, of course, my UTC family.
