Irony
When I was a boy my father had told me
if I kept masturbating, I’d go blind in a hurry.
“But dad,” I had said
as he spoke to my bed,
“Is that why your vision is so blurry?”
Epitaph
There once was an unfortunate man from Timbuktu
who died while giving his mistress a good screw.
Because of how he died that day,
his wife made sure his grave would say:
“Here lies Michael, whose balls will forever be blue."
Premarital
I once knew a loose girl from Queens
who didn’t know what “abstinence” means.
“Well,” I had said
after she offered me head,
"It’s something you gave up on in your early teens."