Toxic:
Used to describe a person who is tainted by a subconscious malevolence or psychosis that affects the lives of those who come into contact with them.
To My Past Friendships:
This is the “book” definition of toxic, specifically a toxic person. Many of my friends recently have gone through losing friends due to the friendship just being built upon years of toxicity, and I’ve watched them going through this, realizing just how unhealthy it is and why others should be aware of toxic friendships.
Sometimes, it comes out of nowhere. It's a flash; of mistaken power, forgotten memories, a combustion of misspoken words, but it happens. That is what I have begun to learn, it happens and sometimes cannot be fixed, and it sucks. Bad. These friendship breakups have been said to hurt more than romantic breakups. You can feel the actual pain in your chest as you're wondering how everything went so wrong, so fast. I've seen it happen, to my loved ones, my friends, myself. Toxicity isn't always as blatant as it seems that it could be. Maybe it's disguised behind the hours of laughter that you've had together with this person, or simply if they often turn the conversation on their life, not empathizing with yours.
Maybe I have only gone through this a few times, but it has made me especially wary of who to trust. I've realized, as others should as well, that holding onto anger that is so poisonous that it makes you shake and just want to scream at the world for making your friendship fall apart so unevenly, is unhealthy. It is not healthy to hold onto these emotions that are just as toxic as the person who helped create them. Forgiveness is important in all of this heartbreak, disappointment, and questioning as to why life deals you the cards that had so much momentum that it caused a friendship to end.
I am not bitter about the toxic friendships that I have experienced, maybe I was in the beginning, but you feel free once you learn to forgive and know that your life is worth living with constant happiness, not toxicity from another person. I will never forget those friendships though, as they taught me so much, and do still include memories and moments that I will look back on and smile about.
If you feel like you are in a toxic friendship or relationship, or that it is about to turn that way, do yourself a favor and get some fresh air and focus on the importance of your feelings and happiness. I know it seems impossible to forgive these people that you once had so much love for, but it is so much easier to breathe once you have. It's coming up for fresh air when you haven't taken a breath in years. It is worth it to forgive and forget, it has made my life much easier to not constantly hold grudges, and it will for you as well.
Sincerely,
An Old Friend
