Whether we choose to admit it or not, we all have that one person who we continued to pursue despite knowing that in the long run, that relationship would never work out. For most of us, we were able to learn from this experience, never wanting to have our time wasted again. However, this has not been the case for me. I constantly find myself falling for guys who, in one way or another, are just going to leave me crying on the phone with my mom. She keeps telling me that when I do get my first boyfriend that all these tears will be worth it. Upon turning 21, I am starting to have some serious doubts about ever finding someone. I do feel that the first step in solving this though is finally letting go of "the chase."

So what is it about the elusive "chase" that I find so intriguing and worth the heartache?

I guess it's the idea that one of these days some guy is going to love me enough that he is finally comfortable with being seen together in public. The idea that I can be that change in someone's life whether it be him finding himself through our relationship or overcoming any bad habits of his. The idea that I can truly be the difference, the deciding factor, his first true love.

I suppose that the whole "playing the game" aspect of the chase can be addicting as well. I have never been the type of person to like things that come easy to me, finding the challenge more exciting than the actual accomplishment. When a guy noticeably flirts with me and displays signs of interest, I tend to put him more in the friend zone. I like working for the attention and get bored easily if it's given too soon. I guess I also kind of like the unknown too....how long will it take him to snap or text me back? Staying up all night just to see how long he is going to leave me waiting by my phone or if the streak is going to be broken. Him promising me that if I give him just a little bit more time, he will be ready to date me publicly. Him showing me those little signs of hope after each encounter, remembering little details about my life or my favorite Jolly Rancher flavor.

It is easy for me to fall for a guy who isn't out of the closet yet when he feds me lines about him wanting to be my first boyfriend or how attractive he thinks I am. It is easy for me to fall for him when we start making small steps toward being seen together in public, such as studying at the library or getting food together. It is easy for me to get caught up in all this, however unhealthy it is for my emotional well-being, and that's why this NEEDS to stop.

Letting go of "the chase" will help me find real love.

Studying abroad this past semester in Italy has really shown me that people can like me for me without all these silly, extra complications. Although this has just been in terms of friendship, I can easily see this mindset of me finding my happy and acknowledging my self-worth applying to my love life as well. Not being surrounded by the stereotypical, Penn State frat boys that I normally find myself chasing after, I am starting to realize how unhealthy these boys have been.

If a guy is too insecure to be seen at a movie theatre or restaurant with you, then is he really worth it? If a guy only likes to hang out with you at your apartment, then is he really worth it? If a guy only wants to be around you when his girlfriend is bothering him, is he really worth it? If a guy only snaps you when he's drunk at 2 A.M., is he really worth it?

I have finally realized that the answer to all these questions is a resounding no. Although these past experiences were fun and exciting in the moment, none of them were actually going to lead me to my first boyfriend. I am ready to enter senior year not willing to put up with "the chase" any longer and hopefully find love because of it.