For as long as I can remember, the last few years at least, I've been going through life in a sort of dream-like haze. I bite off way more than I can chew, go through the motions blindly, and don't realize I need to take a break until I'm completely overwhelmed.
This year, I'd been dragging out a relationship that was going nowhere, taking up way too much of my time, and that I was putting so much more into than I'd ever gotten out. After finding out that he'd been cheating on me, I was devastated but so relieved. Him meeting someone else was exactly the excuse that I needed to GTFO of that relationship and I found myself suddenly re-gaining all the time and energy I'd been wasting.
In healing from my broken relationship. I also healed from my broken friendships. I made attempts to contact the people that I didn't talk to anymore, tried to reconcile any wrongs, and said #ThankUNext to anyone who made it clear they didn't care about me or my friendship. Life is too short for toxic people and there's no point wasting time on someone who doesn't care about you.
I'm choosing to only spend time with people whose company I genuinely enjoy and who make me a better, happier person. I'm avoiding jumping into new circumstances, like relationships, that I'm not 100% passionate about. I was in a lukewarm relationship for so long and I never want to waste my time on something like that again.
After some careful consideration, I decided to change my major. Even though I loved what I had chosen to major in, it was causing me unrelenting stress and I had several classes left to take that I didn't know if I'd be able to be successful in. Ultimately, I had to choose to minimize my suffering while prioritizing the classes I want to take and still setting myself up to achieve my goals.
I had to rethink what I actually wanted to be doing. I've applied for internships and volunteer opportunities that I'm actually passionate about and that will help me get to where I want to be without doing things that will be unnecessarily stressful and difficult.
There was too much on my plate and I had to make the decision that instead of letting it continue to build up, I was going to let it go. I asked for help. Instead of pushing through hardships alone, I reached out to friends, to professors, to counseling and I asked for what I needed.
And let me tell you, I've never felt better. I'm genuinely happy, laughing and chatting and being super present in my life. I'm allowing myself space to do things I want to do and ditch the things that aren't providing me with the fulfillment I need.
I've never seen life so clearly. My motivation is back. It's like the haze has been lifted. I find myself laughing and joking and loving my life in a way that I haven't in so, so long. While losing things that were important to me was painful, I couldn't be happier with how things are turning out. Letting go of things that were weighing me down was exactly the self-care that I needed to do to re-energize myself and to set myself up for a healthier, more successful future.
