How many times do you pass the person that used to be your best friend? It seems like a different lifetime, but nevertheless the pain is still there. You both look at the floor and then the air turns a little stale. Both of you are holding onto this grudge and it’s only torturing you both. It has happened for years, why do you still hold onto this grudge? For college, I am staying in the same town I have been in since middle school. Some of the people who hurt me and I hurt in return, are staying around as well. I have made a conscious decision to end this, and start over.
I always dreamed of moving schools in high school, leaving behind the bad memories and starting new. This idea of recreating myself and being who I wanted to be was so tempting. Throughout the past year, I have given up on leaving everything behind to become a new person. You do not have to move to change, you just have to enact that change inside you. Change what you do not like about yourself, but those memories (good and bad) are a part of you. They have made you who you are.
A clean slate doesn't mean that things are different or even have to change, the most important part is letting all that pain go and to stop blaming yourself for all the mistakes that have happened in your life. It's a new day, and your mistakes are how you learn.
It is so tiring trying to keep up with these grudges and problems I’ve held onto for years. I bet you’re tired too, reader. Tired of caring that this person made fun of you so many years ago. Moving is a quick solution, it would put you around all new people, but bad memories are inevitable. You have to learn how to get through it and move on. How many comments have you said and others have taken it out of context? Not everyone that said something mean wants you to suffer. Even so, why allow them to?
The hardest part is deciding to forgive everyone. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you will allow this person in your life, or even let them know you’re over it. For your own happiness and heath, you have chosen to end the suffering for something you didn’t do. Let it go, and learn from the mistake that caused you to have a problem.
In conclusion, I am giving up. I am giving up on trying to hold these grudges and keep myself from being happy. I am done caring about the things that have gone wrong in my life. Onto bigger and better things. I am taking my clean slate to college, and I will be who I am, not this person I have created in my head to be “perfect” or something I want to be. I will be 100 percent me.
