We met in middle school; you were the cool, smart person that always had friends around them and I felt so special to know you. You knew I was shy and sad because I didn't have many friends and I was so grateful you introduced me to more people. You were my lifeline.

I didn't spend all my time with you though, I wasn't your first priority friend. But I was okay with that so long as you were still my best friend.

I remember the times we stayed up until three in the morning, sharing our secrets, talking about the people we had crushes on, playing video games, and understanding that we had each other to rely on.

I remember going to the State Fair when we were 13 and you dragging me to all of the upside down rides because I had to, "Face my fears." I remember waking up on the mornings we would sleep over and make a big breakfast before one of us would go home.

I remember when we won superiors for our orchestra in eighth grade, I remember the huge hug I gave you for nailing your violin solo. I remember not looking at you while trying not to cry as I told you I am bisexual. And I remember you putting your hand under my chin and looking me in the eye and telling me that it was okay, you accepted me.

I remember when you got your first major boyfriend, and I remember driving you to Steak 'n Shake when you broke up with him the first time. And although it wouldn't be your last breakup, I bought you the greasiest food and the largest milkshake and we toasted to stupid boys and good friends while you sobbed in my backseat.

I remember when you got your license and we found the spot that would be our go-to hangout for years to come. I remember when I got my license and I drove us to the mall where we watched a stupid rom-com.

I remember when you started to leave me behind in high school. I wasn't as cool as you thought I was, I gained weight, you joined band. But we still hung out, I think we both tried to cling to that familiarity and comfort that we had once brought to one another. I remember when you started lying to me to get out of hanging out, I remember the times you flaked on our plans to do something "better".

I remember crying to my other friends, always saying I didn't understand why you were doing this to me. I remember not having the courage to confront you. I remember when we got closer in junior year again and I was so elated that you were talking to me. I remember us graduating, it was on my 18th birthday. I remember you not inviting me to your graduation dinner. Maybe you thought it was because I already had plans because it was my birthday. I still would have liked the invite. You were my best friend after all.

There are so many remembrances and memories I have with you. All of the times we shared will never go away, there are always here with me. Even the physical memories, the scar I have on my shin when I tried to teach you to play softball and you threw the ball at my leg on accident. The literal hundreds of pictures we took together, the memes we traded, and the group photos when I would tag along to your adventures.

Life is taking us in two very different directions and I was, maybe even still, scared that our friendship would leave. The years we have spent being best friends, I never noticed your toxic behavior. I think I ignored the bad parts and only focused on the good. After high school I couldn't ignore that toxicity anymore, it was creeping into my brain and twisting my image of you. I saw the truth in what we had and I didn't want to be a part of that anymore.

I don't want you to think I hate you, in fact, you taught me so much about life and how to live it. I am eternally grateful for your presence in my life, I just need to focus on the people who truly care about me. Instead of focusing on our friendship and how to force it to continue, I am letting you go.

Be honest with yourself. I had to do it too. We both need this, and as sad as I am writing this letter you to, we have grown to far apart to have anything meaningful. My hope is that when we let this go, it can be better for the future. But I can't have too much hope because we have done this before and you didn't change then.

So I want to say thank you and I love you to the person I told everything to. I am completely heartbroken that I am letting you go but this has long been overdue. Thank you for the gifts, the laughs, the love, the tears, the books, the music, the long car rides, the night after New Years, and everything in between.

I love you and I am letting you go.