To a Toxic Friend,

I use the term “friend” loosely. It’s hard to use this word, but it’s also hard not to. You were a friend for such a long time, and losing a friend is tough, but I had to lose you. Our friendship wasn’t the same as it started out, or as a friendship is supposed to be. A lack of communication and an abundance of annoyance and frustration on both of our sides has to do with it. I acknowledge that part of it was my fault; the destruction of a relationship is not a single party affair.

However, I refuse to take all the blame. It seems like I always took the blame for issues, and if not me, anyone else. The constant light of victimization you constantly shone on yourself was toxic. Even up until the very end, when I was just trying to do me and live my life, it was my fault that you didn’t like that. My fault that I didn’t do what you wanted and think what you wanted and love the people you wanted. My fault that I didn’t understand why your “morals” didn’t line up with your actions. I think you want an apology, but that’s not what this letter is for.

When you weren’t victimizing yourself, you were turning others into villains. Finding people all around you to paint into monsters and bullies and cheaters. It’s kind of impressive actually, the way your negativity infects the people around you. You found holes in my life and relationships that weren’t there and tried to drill into them to make them bigger, to make them a problem.

But I don’t want problems. I want love and happiness and laughter and all the things we used to share but can’t now because of miscommunication and so much bitterness that’s clouded the personality that I used to love. I don’t want bitterness. I want conversations about things besides the people you hate and the minor problems plaguing your life.

I want to be friends with someone who encourages me and is proud of me and you didn’t give me that. I value myself and my time too much to be content with immature friendships that are based on conniving and gossip.

Even though it’s hard to move on and cut off the toxic thread of disappointing friendships and unreliable friends, it has to happen. I’m sad that we won’t laugh or jam out together anymore. I’m sad that so many pictures that we took and memories we had will now have to be tainted by anger and frustration, but I think the pros of cutting toxicity out of my life will forever outweigh the cons.

I’m sure you’ll have plenty to say about this and me and everything else that ever happens, because you usually do, but I hope you understand why we aren’t friends anymore and why we won’t be picking that title back up ever again. And if you want to stick your little squad on me to belittle this choice or any others, so be it.

Most sincerely,