There's a lot I wish I knew as a youth group-goer in high school. There's also a lot I'm glad I learned. But mostly, I wish I knew what was truly important. A lot of times it seemed like church and high school were at war. I felt uncomfortable and in a state of constant clawing for the approval of people when it really didn't matter. I am a very different person now and as I look back at that time and I am reminded of my unknowing, insecurity and fear. And there are a few things I wish I had known when I was in church youth group. These are my thoughts and experiences and they are not true for everyone.
Firstly, that "cool kid table" doesn't exist. Despite what they say, or what you believe, it's not cool. Okay, baggy, hand-me-down khakis and self-cut bangs may not make you feel like the coolest, but that doesn't make someone else cool. You know what's cool? Sitting with the people sitting by themselves. Talking to a person that others ignore. Being kind. Taking the happenings of church seriously, whether you disagree or not, and listening. Talking over someone else doesn't mean that you know better, it just means you don't know how to listen, and that's not cool at all.
Also, don’t be afraid to disagree. That doesn't mean you should argue for the sake of arguing, it means you should constantly question. Because whether you're in church or not, people are not always right, and you are not always right (I know, we don’t get much smarter as we get older). It's okay to ask questions. It's okay to be unsure. It's okay to say "I don't think what you're saying is right." Spirituality and life are a journey, a process. You will always have more to learn and people will not always have the answers, despite what they say or want you to think. Not everything said from a stage is fact, or from God, but be respectful in disagreements and be willing to listen when you ask questions: but ask questions.
Young girl me, DO NOT BE GUILTY. When someone says, "A truly godly and desirable woman should be quiet, meek and gentle" that doesn't make you undesirable, a sinner, or a mistake if you're loud, strong or outspoken. Be loud, lead, and do not back down because you fear you won't be desirable as a wife. Don’t be lead by fear. Understand the value and importance of being gentle, so you can help others better and being quiet so that you can truly listen. But do not confuse being quiet for not speaking up and being gentle for not standing up for yourself. Being a female in the church can be, and will be, nearly as difficult as being a woman in the "outside world." You are not worth any less because you are a female. What you have to say matters just as much as the male sitting next to you. Do not apologize before you ask a question, do not feel stupid when people talk down to you and do not feel guilty for being a woman. When others talk down to you, that is a direct indication of their character, not your intelligence.
When the duty of protecting young men's minds and hearts falls on your shoulders, as a high schooler, because of how you act, look, or speak, do not take the blame for the wrong actions of others. Be respectful to yourself and others, but do not allow the possible lack of others’ self-control be your responsibility to rectify. Again, be respectful, but do not take the blame that isn't yours. Do not convince yourself you are just a stumbling block or an object, instead of a human, or a destroyer of young men's minds. They have just as much responsibility to control themselves, and you are not their mom. It is good to be mindful and honorable, but do not objectify yourself for fear of other's potential immoral behavior. Focus on your behavior and don't minimize your being to a "hurdle" others may have to struggle to get over.
When guests attend a church service or a church event, they are not prizes to be won over. They are people. Be welcoming, be friendly, but do not treat others, ever, like they are a heathen or an outsider. Going to church makes you just as much as a Christian as sitting in a garage makes you a car. You do not know their story, they do not know yours, don't make assumptions.
Most of all, know that your actions outside of church matter just as much, if not more, than your actions in church. And, I hate to break it to you, but you don't really get less awkward after high school, you just get more okay with it. Be thankful for the few friends that have stuck by your side, loved you more than judged you and weren't weirded out by the strange human you were in youth group. Be grateful for the lessons learned, the summer camps and memories; just be sure to learn from the good AND the bad.
Love,
Your Future (not any less weird) Self
A lot of these things I wish I remembered are packed loaded with personal experiences or thoughts, so without the full intent and context to each of these (because who wants to read that novel) please don't take offense or please ask me to clarify anything.
