Dear Biological Parents,

I don’t know where you are or what you’re doing with your life. I don’t understand your reasoning’s for your actions and I don’t seem to care what you think about me. No thanks to you, I have achieved quite a bit. Thanks to you I am afraid. This letter is to let you know that I am finally letting go of my past and leaving you there with it.

I never thought this day would come. As a child, I always depended on you to take care of me and love me no matter what. Some say you gave me up because it was what was best for me. But, deep down inside me, I feel as if you let me go because you weren’t strong enough to fight for me. You knew that no matter how hard you tried you would never win. When you let me go, it hurt more than you could ever imagine. I sat alone several nights and just cried. I felt unwanted and depressed for several months. I took my anger toward you on others. I grew to hate you for what you had done. Even to this day, I wonder, why? If you loved me so much why would you let me go? Was it because you knew the bad things that you had done were unforgivable? Why?

Mom. I depended on you so much. I loved you more than anything in the whole world. All the promises you made to protect us. I miss you every day. When I lost you my whole world seemed to have to take a whole one eighty, I was lost. The day at the courthouse when I thought that I was going to testify, all I wanted was to see your face. And when I didn’t see it that day I cried. You were my rock. Just seeing your face would’ve made me happy. It's been six years without you. It has been the hardest six years of my life. I will never understand any of this. I will never understand how being with him was more important than having me. When I close my eyes I see you. I see us sitting the car singing Reba McEntire, laughing, I will forever cherish those memories. Was I not worth it? What did I do to deserve losing you?

Dad. I will never forgive you for what you have done. I will never be able to look at you in the eyes again. You have hurt me more than anyone ever should. You ruined our lives. I hope you think about it every day. I don’t understand how someone that is supposed to protect you can do so much harm to you. Thank you for ruining my childhood. Thank you for making me so afraid of men. Thank you for putting me through the worst of the worst. Thank you so much.

I sometimes think about the times you hit me. I think about the times you never fought to protect me from all the bad that had been done. Mom, why didn’t you protect me or just try to stop him from hurting us? Dad, what made you think that it was okay to hit us? What made you think that you were going to shape us into good adults? You cannot hit someone all their life and expect them to not take their anger out on other people. My past will forever haunt me and keep me from things I want to do. It will keep me from breaking down my wall for people who deserve it. All because of you I will struggle with relationships and friendships. Letting you go is what is best for me. I need to start thinking about me and what I want and what I need to succeed. So this is me letting you go.

As much as I don’t want to say this, I will never be the same without you. I won't be nearly as weak and naïve as you lead me to be. I know you think that I still need you but I don’t. I am living life every day and learning more every day without you. I have become someone that people want to be around. Someone that people care and love. All thanks to you I had to grow up a lot faster than kids my age did. I had to keep my emotions locked away so that others didn’t know that I was dying on the inside. I stayed up many nights to make sure that my sister would be okay. I was 13… My sister had her own fair share of problems and again it was all because of you. No child should ever have to go through what I had to go through for thirteen years. I grew up too fast and I didn’t really get a childhood. I wouldn’t wish it upon my worse enemy.

I just want to end this by saying that because of you I am who I am today, good or bad. You have sculpted me into the woman that I have become. Thanks to you I have found an amazing family that took care of me when you decided to stop being a parent. You should be thanking them for being here for me when you didn’t want to. Thank them for helping your daughter become something more than just your rag doll. I will never forget you, but I need to let go of the things that you’ve done and move on with my life. You are no longer holding me back, you will officially become the past and you will be left there, you can no longer hurt me. This is goodbye.

Sincerely,

The child that didn’t mean enough.