Dear Opossum,

First of all, I did take the time to learn that you are an opossum rather than a possum (possums live in Australia and look way different). I hate that you made me figure that out, that I have grown obsessed with you. You are in my Snapchat Story almost every night, as you scavenge for the remains of the cats’ food.

Before you, I only saw your kind runover on the highway. That’s why I was so scared of you the first time you crawled onto my porch; I thought you were a zombie. You have to admit that you’re probably in the top ten of ugliest creatures on earth, mostly because of that rat-like tail. Wow I hate seeing that tail.

What do you contribute to society, opossum? Do you really need to exist as a specie? All I can see you do is eat the scraps of whatever you can find in my backyard at night, and I assume you just sleep around during the day. How close do you live? I wish I knew. I wish I knew how close you were to me during the day. Actually, I really don’t. I hate thinking about you.

You may be wondering then why I haven’t scared you away, why I continue to let you torture me-- the mere sight of you tortures me. Well, my mother finds you kind of endearing. She actually thinks you’re pretty cute. That mad woman. I just don’t understand it. I bet your own mother even thought you were hideous.

I have been wanting to write to you for a long time, ever since that one time the little girl next door asked if you were our cat. That’s such an insult to all cats, who are the most beautiful creatures in the entire universe. Sometimes you hang out with stray cats outside, maybe you think there’s a chance you could be like them, to be smart and loved and good. You could never be like them, just so you know, even if you eat their food.

Anyway, I don’t want to stretch this out longer than I should--you’re not really worth it. To be honest, I don’t really understand fully why I dislike you so much. I have always been an avid proponent of animal rights, I’m even a vegetarian. Though I wouldn’t eat you because I want to save your precious life, rather I don’t want you anywhere near me--dead or alive. I’d probably hate you more if you were dead. Seeing you run over, like many before you, would probably break my heart. Why are there so many of you anyway? You don’t really do anything that bad anyway, it’s not like you’re the ones that knock over the trash. You’re just kind of unpleasant to look at, certainly not a real threat. So I guess it’s okay for you to continue living your life, though I wish it was farther away from me.