If we're being honest, it's been pretty hard on everyone since we lost you. I've found more things that remind me of you than I care to count, and every song seems to sing praises of who you were. My recent messages and voicemails consist of condolences and people asking how I've been. I tell them I'm fine but only because I don't want them to worry about me, especially during such a difficult time in our lives.

It's weird for me to think about you being gone for good. The first thing that went through my head when I
heard about your passing was that it wasn't real. It couldn't be. I keep thinking it's all a nightmare and I'll be waking up soon; a really bad joke, even. I just never imagined it would be you.

You know, the craziest thing about losing you is that life just went on. Nothing stopped; I got no mercy from the world. I was just expected to pick up and carry on like nothing happened, and to go about my days seemingly unaffected. Bluntly put, time doesn't allow for us to grieve. We have lives we must live and they will go on whether we participate or not. And even now, though the wound is a little less fresh, it still hurts to hear your name sometimes.

I hope that no matter what afterlife came upon you, you are looking down upon me and keeping me safe. One of the only things I want in life is to make you proud of everything I do; I know you always loved bragging about how great I was. I hope you had no regrets and felt you lived a happy life full of success and life's treasures.

I will always love you more than I ever got the chance to tell you. Thank you for teaching me not to take people for granted through this. I will love better, listen more thoroughly, and show more affection towards those I love in your name from now on.

I miss you and can't wait to see you again on the other side. Put in a word with the big guy for me.