Before I begin, I need you to know that I do not hate you or think you are a "jerk." I know you are not a bad guy, despite what I may have implied out of sadness and frustration.

So, here it goes,

As I sit down to type this, I am in shock; everything happened so quickly. You knew exactly what I wanted to hear and said it so naturally; it rolled off of your tongue as if it were your own name. The "sweet nothings" you'd send me throughout the day kept me smiling and glowing. You made me so happy, and I genuinely cared about you, and I do know you felt the same.

I will admit, I miss the late-night texts until one of us fell asleep (usually you), and the early morning phone calls in which I would have to quietly leave my room to go into the hallway to talk as to not wake my roommate up. I miss the video chats, which always put a smile on my face, and yours, too. And on those rare occasions where I got to see you, I miss jamming to classic and alternative rock (especially Pink Floyd!) in your car. Let's face it, we didn't have the best voices, but it was still so funny to watch you imitate the British rock singers in your Long Island accent while I moved my head to the beat and giggled.

Don't get me wrong, I get it. Being long distance is hard. But to me, you were worth it; I didn't mind the wait. However, it was not this simple. There were tons of underlying personal issues - you were confused and conflicted, and very rightfully so. You had a lot going on.

So when we spoke that day, you were (very rightfully so) stressed and overwhelmed, and I, was (just as rightfully) devastated. I know it was just as hard for you to hear me cry as it was for me to open myself up like that. So I cried some more and we argued back and forth, until I finally realized it wasn't going to change. My heart ached that whole night, and I will admit, I did cry myself to sleep.

Maybe I went around in circles one too many times during our conversation, trying to wrap my head around the situation. It was so hard to rationalize. How could something so good go away so quickly, slipping through my hands, completely and totally out of my control and helpless?

Some of my friends will say that you don't even deserve my tears, let alone this. But to me, the one who actually knew you, you do - and so do I. I'm a writer, and this is how I can cope and get out my feelings when I can't express them directly from my lips.

I need you to know that I thank you, and yes, I do forgive you. I thank you for caring, loving and treating me like any loving boyfriend should treat their girlfriend. I thank you for the memories, laughs, and happiness in our short time together.

Yes, the wound is still fresh and raw, and the pain is sharp at times - especially in the mornings when I wake up and realize you are no longer present in my life. But yes, I will be okay.

I know this weekend will be tough, and I think you're expecting the same. A part of me still wishes you were coming up to visit. However, I am extremely lucky to have such an amazing support system of friends and family. I have tons of shoulders to cry on if I ever needed, a huge group of best friends to laugh with and to vent to, and a family that loves me endlessly. In fact, I am blessed to say that I have a great group of girls who will take your place this Valentine's Day, and yes, I will go skiing and snowboarding with them on Sunday.

I genuinely hope you figure out your issues, and I wish that, with time and when you're ready, we can be in each other's lives again in one way or another. But until then, please know that I am healing. I am moving on, standing tall and holding my head up high.

Until next time and with warm regards,

The Girl Who Loved You Back