Dear older sister,

"I am sorry for your horrible loss." "It must be so hard." "I don't know how you do it?" "My prayers are with you and the family."

Just a few words you probably hear since you've lost your younger sibling right? Well I'm not here to tell you these things. I am sorry for your loss, but I'm here to tell you that I understand too. The pain of losing a younger sibling is like no other pain in this world. Your sibling was your best friend for life, all your best memories were made with them. You imagine a future with them being your maid of honor, or the godparent to your child. They are the only people who understand you because you grew up under the same roof, maybe even sharing the same room too? The role of being an older sister is the best role in the world as well. You are more than just an older sister, you're a babysitter, friend, caregiver, counselor, entertainer, taxi, and so much more for your younger siblings. As you watch them grow older you get excited about the idea of watching them get to the age you are at now, wondering what they'll wear to prom, who they are going to date, what college they will go too. There is so much amazing experiences that come with being the older sibling.

So dear older sister who just lost her little sister (or even brother), I know it hurts. I'd like to tell you that everything you are feeling is normal. It is normal to be angry a lot, you may be the older sibling but that doesn't mean you have it all figured out yet. You are confused why God took your baby sister from you. It is normal to cry randomly. Yes you are going to have times when you walk into a Starbucks and see a group of 14-year-old girls ordering your sister's favorite frapp, or when you see two little girls at a park holding hands running around you may feel your eyes fill with tears as you remember when that was once you, when that was once her.

It's normal to feel envious. There will be times when your girl friends start to bring their little sisters around to hangout and you feel so angry you weren't given the chance to hangout and bond with your little sister like that too. You may even get nasty when your friends ask to bring their sisters around and question it. It's normal, also don't worry, your friends will understand your angry and envy if they are your real friends. Life isn't fair grieving sister. But I want you to understand a few things. You did a great job at being a big sister. You're little sister loved you. She looked up to you, she was always and stil is proud of you. Pretty soon you'll hear stories from her friends that she would gloat about how cool you are and that she wanted to be just like you. You protected her to the best of your ability. Please, do not blame yourself. This was out of your control, you kept her safe when you could. Don't dwell on the "what if's." Thing happen in life for a reason. Take it as a learning experience and move on.

And my last piece of advice to you grieving sister, with time, this will become a normal, grief is now a new way of life but it will make you stronger and better believe it or not you know have an angel there to guide you always. Live for her! Make her proud.

Sincerely,

A fellow grieving big sister