Dear Broken Hearted Girl,
How are you? I know you’re tired of that question. Tired of the pity that comes along with the question. Tired of the “I told you so’s” on the tip of so many tongues. Tired of the hugs that follow; no matter how comforting they are. You’re tired of friends walking on eggshells around you at the mention of “He Who Shall Not Be Named.” You hate that.
So, what do you do? You smile. You laugh. You drag his name through the mud because that’s what they expect you to do. And, at some point maybe you’ll get there. But for now, all you want to do is remember the good times. Remember that one time he called and ya'll talked on the phone for two hours? Two WHOLE hours; talking about random stuff. He didn’t seem to have an agenda. He was curious. Curious about what made you...you.
At least, that’s what he said. But, that doesn’t matter. You remember the times in class when you hid your phone under your desk to keep the teacher from noticing the fact that you were texting a guy instead of paying attention to the lesson. You want to focus on the moments when he sent a beautiful smile your way and you would swear that you were the only person he looked at like that. You want to remember the moments you were with him and just intoxicated by his smell.
Yeah, intoxicating is a good word. Because that describes the whole relationship. It felt like it was only you and him; all day every day. You want to focus on that. That’s what you want to remember.
You don’t want to focus on the reasons why your heart is broken. You don’t want to focus on the fact that a worthless guy caused you so much harm. You don’t want to focus on the fact that after that one phone call he decided that what you had to say was much better over worthless texts than meaningful phone calls. You don’t want to focus on the fact that those texts messages during class were in response to questions about your favorite positions during sex. You don’t want to focus on the fact that after he sent you a smile, you noticed he sent the same smile to a girl next to you. You don’t want to focus on the fact that when you were intoxicated by his signature scent, it seemed to be tainted by something so feminine but something that didn’t belong to you.
Yeah, intoxicating is a good word. Because that describes the whole relationship. It felt like it was only you and him; all day every day. Even...even...when you felt the presence of the other females. Even when it was no longer intuition, but reality. However, in your head, it was still you and him.
Broken Hearted Girl, I’m going through the same thing. And, I just want to say; it’s okay. It’s okay to feel the need to protect what you thought you had with a guy. It’s okay to cry privately because your heart betrayed your mind when it decided that what it felt was so much important than what your head was telling you. It’s okay to think you might answer if he decides to call. It's okay to think that even though it literally feels like he broke your heart; you'd still take him back if he asked.
But, you want to know what isn’t okay? That a guy played you. It’s not okay that a guy at some point decided that you weren’t worth it, but wanted you to stick around as a plan B. It’s not okay that not only did he not see your worth, but you didn’t either. It’s not okay that you were willing to lessen your value just to keep him interested.
You will get through this. He may have seemed like "the one" but there will be plenty of "the ones." Take a deep breath. Be thankful. He taught you something; never let anyone else make you feel irrelevant or worthless.
Nikita Gill once said, “You are not his princess, you are your own queen.” It’s time we both start living like it. The first step is listening to those friends who are offering comforting hugs. Mine are there for me, so I’m sure yours are too. So, from one broken hearted girl to another; good luck.
Sincerely,
A Broken Hearted Girl
