A Letter To The Boy Who Taught Me How To Love

A Letter To The Boy Who Taught Me How To Love

You broke down walls I didn't even know I had
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I won't say that I've never felt love, and I won't say that I've never known love or how to love. But I can say that I've never learned how to love with my entire being. So much so that I would give endless days just for one more hour together.

I never knew my heart could hold so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much that I couldn’t understand how I had never felt a love like this before. I never knew that the world held so much color and I never knew that I was allowed to feel this kind of love until you showed me how.

Loving you has made me realize my passions, realize my dreams, and realize my wants. Now don’t get me wrong, I knew all of these things before and I knew my self-worth and I knew what I stood for but it was always in a foggy haze. Once I met you and learned that your love was safe, it was like all of the fog disappeared and I learned that my passions, dreams and wants could all become a reality as long as I wanted them hard enough.

Safe, I learned for the first time in a long time what it meant to feel safe. Yes, I felt safe in my house with my family, but not this kind of safe. It’s like anything and everything that could hurt me in the world not only had to go through me but go through you. It was like I had someone fighting on my team, relentlessly, and that made me feel safe no matter what battle I was facing. I felt my safe place become your arms, and I could feel you holding my heart in your hands as you cupped my face and kissed away tears.

You once told me, “You have me, though, you don’t have to face things alone anymore” and without you even being aware it shattered every wall that I had ever built. That sentence told me that you were different. It told me that when no matter what I had to face you would be there, it told me that despite my past and the things that could arise from it, you would fight with me. It told me that you were there, and you weren’t leaving.

You slowly tore down every wall that I had built around myself. Every wall that I had made sure never moved, no matter who tried to budge it, the walls stood tall. But with you, it was different. With you, the walls came crumbling down and instead of letting them crash you caught them and built a home for me with the broken pieces. You build a home for this relationship, a place that I not only feel safe, but beautiful.

I could write for hours about how your love has changed me for the better and I could write for days about how learning how to love (you) has been the greatest adventure of my life. But all I can say is thank you, thank you for not giving up, thank you for not hanging up and always calling back when I wanted to be difficult. Thank you for making sure we never go to bed upset, thank you for always taking the time to make my days special, thank you for loving me with all that you have. And thank you for letting me love you.

Love,

Your Forever & Always

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Just Because I Check My Boyfriend's Location Every Hour Doesn't Make Me A 'Psycho Girlfriend'

No, checking his location every hour does not make me psycho.
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My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a few months now. He has come up with describing my actions sometimes as “psycho girlfriend.” As much as this bothered me at first I started to realize there is nothing wrong with my “psycho” actions.

I don’t monitor who my boyfriend hangs out with and I don’t care who he texts, I trust him, but I do watch other things he does.

I probably check his location about once an hour, maybe more if he isn’t texting me back.

This isn’t some way for me to find out if he is with another girl, it’s so I can ensure he isn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. If he was on Snapchat five minutes ago but hasn’t texted me back in 45 minutes, yeah I’ll call him out on it but I'm not actually mad. If he is with friends and not answering me, it’s cool. I just want to be able to make sure I know where he is and that he is alive on a regular basis.

I make him keep his read receipts on for me.

I don’t care if he leaves me on read, I just need to know he is seeing what I’m saying. Half the time, I text him random facts or thoughts I have throughout my day, those don’t always need a response back. However, I do want to know he is acknowledging me through reading my texts.

Yes, from time to time I will spam him and make him respond to my messages so we can make plans or I can know what he is doing with his day but it’s not like I plan out his every move for him or care if he is getting drunk with the boys on a Wednesday, not my issue.

I don’t ask for all of his time or anything. I know he is a busy person. All I ask for him to text me back on a regular basis (once an hour to be exact), for him to allow for me to know where he is at all times and to get one night a week with him.

I don’t plan to show up where he is or anything, I simply just like to know information and get a weekly time with him. I don’t care if I only see him that one night a week, I just want one night with a movie or dinner or snuggles so I can get my boyfriend time.

The rest of the time he is his own person, and I couldn’t really care less about what he does in that time.

Cover Image Credit: Grace Wilkowski

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The Last Goodbyes

A Little Too Late...Or Is It?
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Rebecca's Point of View:

I can't believe today's the day, it felt like just yesterday that I walked into Clair's Boutique for my first day on the job. Before I drive to the airport, I am going to stop at the store to say my last goodbyes to everyone. I don't want Alan and I to leave things as they are right now. We still haven't resolved the fight thag happened on Wednesday. I miss him so much and it hurts to know that we might never see eachother again. I just can't believe all that we've been through a fight is going to tear us apart. I almost lost him once, I don't want to lose him a second time.

As I enter the store, the first person I see is Clair. She walks over to me with a big smile on her face and engulfs me in a hug. When she pulls away she says, "I still can't believe you're leaving, we're going to miss you so much!"

"I can't believe I am either, I never thought an opportunity like this would come around. Where is Mr. Brooks? I was hoping to say goodbye to him too."

"He's been locked in his office since yesterday. He doesn't seem like he's in a good mood, but go ahead. Are you two going through something right now?"

"Yea, we're going through a rough patch."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I hope you two can work it out!"

"Thanks, I really appreciate it." Then I turn away from her and head to his office. His door is open just a crack and I can see that his head is in his hands. I knock and I enter, "Hey, as you know I am going to leave for the airport, but I wanted to stop by and say my goodbyes. So I guess this is it, do you have anything you want to say to me before I go, probably forever!"

He doesn't look at me but says, "Have a safe trip and good luck in New York."

"Oh, thanks." Before I leave, I stand in the doorway and look at him, but he's still avoiding eye contact. So I turn and leave. I was hoping he would say 'come back,' but he never does.

Clair's Point of View:

After Clair left I was trying to think of a plan to get Mr. Brooks attention off from her. So I decided to find him and eat lunch together. When I come across him, he's already in the break room sulking. "How are you doing?"

"Ok."

"I don't mean to pry but is everything alright between you and Rebecca?"

"No, it's not."

"I'm here if you want to talk about it."

"I just can't believe that everything we've been through she'd go behind my back. She means the world to me, but I don't know if I can trust her anymore. We had a big fight on Wednesday and we didn't resolve it. Now she's going to be in New York at her new job, and I'll probably never see her again."

"I'm so sorry, yeah you two have been through a lot together. It sucks that a small fight would tear your two apart. But You're right you can't trust her anymore, you're too good for her anyways."

"Yeah we have been through a lot together and you're right, one little fight shouldn't make or break us. Couples go through this all the time and they push through it and they don't give up."

"Wait, what? Did you hear about the second part I said?"

"I have to go and too that plane before it's too late." He quickly jumps out of the chair, sprints to his office to get his keys, and runs out the door.

Mr. Brooks Point of View:

I drive as fast as I can, hoping the police don't pull me over. I hope I can make it in time to stop her from leaving. I finally reach the airport, find a parking spot, and sprint towards the entrance. I quickly find a screen with the gate numbers listed and I scan for the one to New York. I find it and run to gate number 36. As I'm sprinting to the gate, I hear an announcement saying, "Last call for gate number 36 to New York City." I start to panic and sprint even faster trying to avoid all of the people. I reach the gate and the doors are closed, I turn to the assistant and ask her, "Is there anyway I can board the plane?"

"Sorry, but once the doors shut, they stay closed. But if you need more assistance you can go to the courtesy desk."

"Look, I'm sorry but you don't understand. This isn't my flight, my girlfriend is on there. We had a huge fight, and now she's leaving to New York and I may never see her again!"

"I'm sorry sir, but the plane is almost ready for take off."

I notice the plane moving towards the runway and I realize it's too late. "Thank you for your time." I look through one of the big windows and watch her leave with tears running down my face I was too late.


Cover Image Credit: Hospitality Lawyers.com

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