I’m staring at this screen with a loss of words, much like I stared at the screen on my phone when all your lies were brought to the surface. Writing comes easy to me; I can usually start typing and never need to take any breaks between to think of something else to say. This time is different. Maybe because I never thought I would have a reason to write this about you. Each one of these letters goes out to a side of you that I thought I knew, but clearly didn’t.
To the boy I thought I knew,
When you’ve known someone for as long as I knew you, you’d never think that in just one day, they would become someone else completely different. I thought I knew you better. I thought YOU were better. It makes me second guess every moment I’ve shared with you over the years because this could’ve been your true colors all along, but I was too naive to notice. Maybe you weren’t always like this. Maybe a switch flipped in your head one day and it made you who you are today. I’ll never know, but I’ll have to learn to accept that.
To the boy I trusted,
Was I stupid to confide in you so many times? To tell you chapters of my book that I never read aloud to others. To let you be with me during my most vulnerable moments. You were supposed to be my safe place; someone I knew I could go to when I needed a rock to lean on. You were supposed to take care of me; reassure me that everything would be okay when it seemed impossible to me at the time. I trusted you with so much, and that probably meant nothing to you. I guess I’ll have to learn to accept that too.
To the boy I loved,
God, how I loved you. I loved how you remembered small details about me. I love how you always knew the right things to say, and how you always knew how to make me laugh. I loved that laughing at stupid videos and pictures that we found on the internet was considered quality time for us. I loved how I didn’t feel the need to wear a full face of makeup when I was around you because I knew you would love me regardless. I loved you with every ounce of my being, but it’s clear to me now that you didn’t.
To the boy who lied,
Why did you lie? But more importantly, why did you keep lying? You lied to me so much that I’m doubting everything you’ve ever said to me. That’s the thing about people who repeatedly lie; they can tell you over and over that they are being honest, but once that bridge is broken, all their words mean nothing. I gave you plenty of opportunities to come clean, but you never did. I think you lied so much to other people, that you started lying to yourself in the process. There’s two things that I can’t stand: 1. A liar and 2. A liar that gets mad when you don’t believe the lies they are telling you. You happened to be a 2 in 1 package deal.
To the boy I said goodbye to,
I never thought this day would come. I know people come and go throughout our lives, but I hoped that you would be someone who stuck around awhile longer. Not only did I say goodbye to you, but I said goodbye to the person that I once knew, and the person that I wish you still were. Even through all of this, I still wish you the best. I hope that you find a love so real that you won’t feel the need to lie. Please know that I look forward to that day for you.
Sincerely,
The girl who thought she knew it all
