Here we are, a place I thought we would never be. A place where promises were broken and “I love you's” turned into “I don’t know's”. A place where my heart was shattered and a place where yours seems to be just fine.
I’m not writing this to yell at you or belittle you, I’m writing this because I’m hurt. I’m hurt because of the pain you have caused me. Through the time we spent together, you promised me I would never feel this hurt from you. And the more time we spent together, the more I began to believe it. For the longest time I would tell myself, this boy is different, I don’t need to be afraid; he would never hurt me. I believed in you, I believed in us. And in a moment that belief crumpled before my feet. I wanted more than anything to fix it, but the pieces were broken to many times, to be put back together.
And now because of you, I have seed of doubt growing in my head. And with every word you say to me, that seed keeps growing. And soon the weeds of rejection, doubt, agony, and self-hatred have grown to uncontrollable garden in my mind. I gave you the tools hoping you would help me, but all you did was run off, taking the things I needed to be happy.
I know that I’m a mess, physically and emotionally. But I used to be your mess. And I took comfort in the fact that you loved me regardless of how out of control my life became. Because you were always there to help me piece me back together. But I guess my mess became too much of burden for you to handle. And you decided to throw me away like the rest of the messes in your life.
Through this heartbreak I’ve learned many things. You showed me what I deserve, and that you weren’t it . I deserve to be loved, whole heartedly, without second thoughts. I deserve late night phone calls and early morning breakfasts in bed. I deserve flowers, just because you felt like it. I deserve a hand to hold, when mine is shaking. I thought you were that hand, but I was wrong.
They say time heals all wounds, and I’m really counting on that to be true. It’s not fair that you can have such an effect on me that’s so great, but you are so absent in my life. You don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve to be a thought in my mind or a pain in my heart. You don’t deserve to be with a girl like me.
Because a girl like me, is unique, funny, kind, loved, and has so much to offer the world. And I’m sorry you couldn’t see that in the time we spent together and I’m sorry that you will be missing out on the future of a girl like me.
