To the boy who threatened,

Would you have done it if I had not run? If your brother was not around, would you have actually raped me? Every day, I thank the Lord that I was able to escape. I never told a soul about your threat because I thought it was no big deal. I mean, it didn't actually happen, right? Wrong. You still threatened me. The fact that those words could even come out of your mouth–even worse, cross your mind–leaves me in awe. I like to think it is because you did not realize what you said. I like to think that you regret it with every breath you breathe.

I thought it was a movie night with a bunch of friends. I mean, that is what you told me. Unfortunately, I believed you. There was nobody there when I got there except you and your family. I met your mom and brothers. Your mom was so great. She was so sweet and hospitable. Your brothers were preoccupied with Minecraft, but polite nonetheless. I was uneasy because the rest of my friends were not there yet but I figured I was safe anyway. Nothing would happen to me because the rest of your family was there. Apparently, that would not stop you.

I kept telling you to get off of me. I asked for personal space. At first, I simply assumed you were joking, but it escalated quickly. I got scared. Terrified. Leave me alone. In my mind, I was begging for another friend to show up. When the doorbell rang, I was so relieved. Finally, a friend. It was a friend, but not mine, and you told them to go away. That is when I realized I was really in trouble. I started brainstorming ways that I could leave. I had no phone, no car and no backup. My thoughts came to an abrupt thought when I heard those repulsive words roll out of your disgusting mouth. "If you don't say yes, I will rape you." Those words literally paralyzed me. I could not move or speak. My brain just yelled "No. No. No." over and over again. I wonder what you were thinking. What did you see? Did you see the terror take over my face? Did you see my heart stop from fear? Did you see the tears accompanied by the hopelessness that swallowed the color of my eyes?

How could you? You knew about my past. You knew what I had been through. Regardless, you abused the trust I had in you and went in for the kill. Fortunately, I was too scared to fall back into the dark hole, so I ran. It was only into a different room, but I ran and hoped that your brother would be enough to stop you. I just sat there with him until I could go home. He probably thought I was a weirdo but I couldn't care less. I had finally crawled out of the hell that consumed my mind during my recovery and you wanted to push me right back into that. How did you manage to justify that? Please, tell me, because I have dissected it a million times and I have yet to find any justification that isn't completely bonkers.

Rape. I don't think you realize what that threat meant. You threatened to take away my voice, my peace of mind and my ability to trust ever again. You threatened to invade me. You would have killed me. It would have killed my hope. I would never trust again. I would never feel hope. I would never be able to love and cherish my body like I do today. Do you realize what you said to me? You said that you would take everything that I worked so hard to achieve. You would take my confidence and my ability to see the best of people. I would have blamed myself too. For every day of the rest of my life, I would blame myself for every terrible detail.

You threatened to take all of that from me because of your own selfish desires. What would your mom think? Your girlfriend? Your friends?

If I hadn't run away, your threat might not have been just a threat.

-The Girl Who Ran