Dear Nannie,
I miss and love you so much. I am so sorry that I didn't call or visit more often, but I hope you knew that I loved you dearly. You meant so much to me and you truly shaped me into the person I am today. Because of you, I knew exactly what I liked and enjoyed and I knew that I had to find friends exactly like that. I knew that I wanted to have as much fun with them as I did with you. You were one my best friends, and you will never be replaced.
I have too many great memories of us to count. I remember staying at your house for the weekend with the boys. You made us cheese pizza with chocolate milk and you let the boys watch Chucky. I was seven and nine years younger than my brothers at the time, so I'm not sure if you ever knew or not, but they let me watch it with them. They told me as long as I closed my eyes on the bad parts, they wouldn't mind. However, with me having your stubborn mindset, I opened my fingers so I could see through my hands. This moment led to my unhealthy obsession with scary movies which also led to some of our greatest memories.
You were cool then and you always will be. You were the only grandma that not only would actually let us watch scary movies, you watched and loved them just as much as we did. Everything about you was so unique and special. Some people may have been embarrassed of you because of your boldness, but I can say I have never ever been embarrassed of you. When you used to pick me up from school in a gold car while wearing gold lipstick, I truly loved it. All of my friends loved you just as much as your family did. All of my friends wanted to go with you places because you were a bad ass. You didn't care what people thought about you, and you did exactly what you wanted until the day you were taken away from us.
I know you are watching over us, and I'm sorry I didn't say anything at your funeral. It just hurts so much to even think about you sometimes because it doesn't feel like you are really gone. Today is Sunday, our usual hangout day and for a short moment I was going to ask mom if she wanted to go over and see you. My throat tightened and I remember that you won't be there. I'm also sorry I haven't been to see your animals. We both know they miss you like crazy, but I don't think I am ready to go yet. You have left so many memories with so many people, and I don't think I can go to where majority of our memories have been.
Even at your funeral, I walked into the little room that they had made for people that wanted to see you once last time, but I took one step in and I couldn't walk any further. I like to pretend I am much stronger than I really am, but I know you know that because you truly got me. I have a hard time trusting people and letting them in, but that was never a problem with us. I promise one day I will have the strength and courage to go back to where you lived, but right now your memories are too powerful for me to not to breakdown.
I love you and I miss you so much. Thank you for always being there without judgment and being my best friend. Please watch over and help the family during this tough time because trust me, we need it.
Love always,
Missa
