Rock bottom,

I’d like to make a toast, a toast to rock bottom. If it weren’t for you, I cannot confidently say I would be the person I am today. I needed you; I needed you to pick myself back up again. I needed to experience the worst, to understand I deserved the best. As much as I wish that I could go back in time and change the way things were, I’m beyond thankful to have made it out a better person. I wish it didn’t take me reaching the worst of the worst, but without the worst, I would have never experienced what I am experiencing now- the best. What upsets me most about hitting rock bottom is that it was the only reason I realized how important it was to appreciate life. Life is so uncertain, life is so valuable, so precious and it shouldn’t take your worst days to appreciate your best. So here I am today, after suffering through half of a year filled with depression, family issues, a breakup, anxiety, the loss of my grandmother, etc, realizing that it is more worthwhile to appreciate life on the best days before allowing them to turn into your worst.

I can remember the day perfectly, I officially had enough, I wasn’t the person I had been a year ago and I began to hate that version of myself. I knew if I didn’t act fast, I would never be the same, I would never remember why I loved life so much before all of this occurred and that scared the hell out of me. I realized I had officially hit rock bottom, there was literally nowhere I could go from there but up. I got myself out of bed, put a smile on my face and for the next 2 months faked it until I made it. I began going to the gym, realizing it was one of the most underused antidepressants.

I spent more time with friends and pushed myself to be social no matter how much I wished to be alone. I reached out to my immediate family and extended family, wondering why I had been so foolish to shut them out, realizing how important it was to keep them by my side. I stared in the mirror and told myself no matter how much I hated what I saw in that moment, I unconditionally loved myself and it made all of the difference. I began to see how important it was to put yourself first, to love yourself in ways that were more apparent than your body shape, your skin, or any other outer appearance, I began to love myself for who I was as a human being.

I learned to be patient with life, living by the saying “everything happens for a reason” because truly, that was all I had. I learned that being kind, compassionate, understanding and a helping hand to others was extremely rewarding. I learned that my bed might have felt safe, easy and comforting, but there is no better comfort than the comfort of others, the confidence, and happiness within yourself and there is no better safe haven than being content within the world around you. I saw a new side of life; I understood happiness was a choice.

My life has not been “optimal” this past year, but instead of staying within the realm of my rock bottom, I chose to see the good in my life. I chose to be happy because I was lucky enough to be breathing, I was lucky enough to have an education and I was lucky enough to be so strong I could conquer not only the troubles thrown my way, but the troubles within myself.

And so here I am, happy because of me, no one else but myself, thankful to have experienced what I hope to call the absolute worst time of my life because it brought me here today. I am stronger, more independent and more capable of seeing the beauty in life and in myself. And that is more than I could ever ask for. So thank you, thank you rock bottom, you have taught me more than any educational lesson I have ever sat through.

Sincerely,

The better, stronger, and happier me