Just to clarify a few things right off the bat: I didn't switch teams because I'm "open" or a "free spirit". I didn't date a girl because of bad things men have done to me. I am lesbian, not confused or bi; when you asked me that three months ago I didn't know how to give you a straight answer [my goodness at that pun].

To the allies and non-allies, friends and strangers reading this, I am sharing with you a running dialogue of the argument that I have with myself all of the time. At any moment, I can find myself driving or showering and remembering words one of my friends said to me, and I spend the next fifteen minutes convincing them (in my head) why how I feel is legitimate. We all have reasons we try to persuade ourselves that we are good. In writing this down, I hope I can stop trying to convince myself, even if I can't convince you.

I am such an advocate for education. I understand that those without education or experience with anything in regards to social issues might have a hard time seeing the details or the bigger picture. Lack of education is damaging, and in the internet age, where you can potentially connect with anyone that is different from you or google any historical event, lack of education is not an excuse.

It's too bad that sexuality is censored in the developmental psychology chapter in high school. It's too bad that sex-ed classes in middle school are almost exclusively heterosexual. Any psychologist will tell you that sexuality and gender are determined in the brain during a certain period in a pregnancy, separately from the development of the genitals. Sexuality is brain chemistry; that is just a scientific fact. If you have questions about LGBTQ from a psychological standpoint (like the damage of conversion therapy) click here. Sex is not a dichotomy. One in 100 people born have bodies that differ from their standard sex. Intersex is a real sex. One in 1000 births has XXY chromosomes (Klinefelter Syndrome). If you want more information about intersex click here. Gender is how we perform sex in society and that differs in every society and culture. Different cultures in different regions and times recognize more than two genders, and at different points in time and place, homosexuality was normalized. Cultures in every continent recognized and revered third, fourth, fifth, and split gendered characters. Biology loves biodivesity: animals in every kingdom exhibit gay behavior.

I just scientifically explained to you why I'm normal. Do you know how demeaning it is to have to do that? Do you know any context in which people have had to justify their who they are by saying "wait we are natural" (oh wait black people and women have been doing that for hundreds of years). I don't understand how non-allies can read facts like that and still disregaurd the validity of people's being. I don't understand how people think it's totally fine that LGBTQ people walk around and repeat these same arguments inside their head trying to tell themselves that they are normal, no matter how many times people call them "wrong" or an "abomination". Why is my biology open to dissection just to prove that the love I possess for another person isn't "disgusting" or "unnatural"? When non-allies talk about homosexuality, are they only refering to the sex, or just the love? Do two men do something inherently wrong when they have sex, but a straight couple "preserving" a culturally invented virginity having the same type of sex are in the clear just because their body parts are different?

There are plenty of gay christians, and plenty of christian allies; there's always room for more. The bible was written by white men a very long time ago. Please contemplate that context, and what they thought their moral and just God liked and disliked. Please check the red to see if Jesus ever mentioned gay or lesbian or transgendered people.

If you've stuck with me this long, I have one more thing to add to your discomfort.

Whether or not you believe that gender, sexuality, and sex are spectrums, you really need to understand that homophobia is a spectrum. It is a very slippery slope. On one end a friend tells me she's happy for me, she just believes it's wrong. On the other end, LGBTQ youth are twice as likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual kids. On that same end of the scale, about 40% of homeless youth are gay or transgendered because they've been kicked out of their homes. The microaggressions, the dirty looks, the misunderstandings, the sideways comments, the silence from family members- all of those things matter. All of those things sting. All of those things can add up. Your lack of understanding doesn't kill gay children, but if you don't understand how your thoughts, words, and actions are part of the smaller and the larger picture, I don't know what else to tell you.

I don't have to justify myself to you, no matter how much of an impulse it has become. I walk the line between being bitter and resigned at the lack of understanding, because it doesn't take much time or love to accept your family member or your classmate.

Eve Ensler has told a panel of men that sexual violence against women is a men's problem, because it is almost always men that commit sexual violence, so she is giving the problem to them to solve it. It is not women's responsibility to prevent their own rapes.

A news reporter asked a black activist what white people can do to take a stand against racism and the activist respectfully but disappointedly told him that it's not black people's job to tell white people how to fix the problem their ancestors created, and they have maintained.

So here I am, non-allies, telling you that it is your job to open your mind and change your attitude. All of the psychology, and sociology, and history, and law is there to tell you that LGBTQ rights are civil rights, that consenting adults can have sex with whomever, however they like, that people in love regardless of their gender should be able to have a family. If you want to passively or passionately disagree, that's up to you. The LGBTQ movement for equal rights is not over, it's not slowing down, and it's not taking anything away from you.