Dear Anxiety,

The first time we met, I was 13 years old. You came into my life at my weakest point; when I had nothing else to turn to but you. You took my brokenness and used it to your advantage. You came into my life when I did not know who I was and you helped me find myself.

Except, you helped me find a side of myself that I never thought I would be. You took advantage of my naivety and matured me. But not in a way I wanted to be matured. You took my 13rd old self problems and turned them into 30 year old problems.

You turned middle school bullying into fear of going to school. You turned harmless jokes with friends into words that stabbed my soul. You turned casual bus rides to school into a chariot leading me into the battlefield.

But then, I turned on you. Before, I thought middle school was my enemy. I thought that because you told me. But you were wrong. My enemy was myself, the person you turned me into.

So, I learned to quiet you. I learned how to hold my head high again and how to laugh at the simple, playful words of my friends. I learned how to breathe again.

What I did not know was that you have a certain skill at being patient for my vulnerability. You waited. You were quiet. You let me live and play and laugh again. You let me smile again.

Then, I turned 15. At 15, I was alone at a boarding school, hundreds of miles from my home and my parents and my sister. At 15, I started life over again and was thrown into a pit of girls and told to make friends. At 15, you saw your opportunity.

At 15, you entered my life again. This time, you told me that the best way to make friends and the only way to be happy was to sit in a dark room alone. You told me to keep my mouth shut when I was in public because I had nothing of value to say. You told me I didn't matter. You told me that I was alone.

At 16, I learned the truth again. I learned you were wrong. I learned I was valuable. I learned that I was important. I learned I was able to be loved, despite my brokenness.

And just like that, you went back into hibernation.

And just like that, at 17, you woke up. You came out of hibernation. You always do have the best timing. I was on the cusp of my senior year. I knew where I wanted to go to school, i had great friends, and I had great leadership opportunities that I had worked so hard for. And internally, I had a battle raging with you.

At 18, I had finally quieted you. I thought it was for good. I thought I had finally won the battle.

But, in December you came back for revenge.

Right now, I am in an every day struggle to silence you. I am proving you wrong. I will beat you.

For every time you tell me I am not valuable, I have 10 more people telling me that I am.

For every time you tell me that I am not good enough, I have 20 more people telling me that I am more than enough.

But, the most important voice is that of my own.

And when I tell myself that I am valuable, I am important, I am more than enough, that's when you have no place in my life anymore.