During campus tours, I usually tell my tour groups that I am from a two-stoplight town. As an 18-year-old small town girl, to be within walking distance of a skyscraper and later interning in one, seemed like I had taken a step into a Gossip Girl scene. Well, Winston-Salem, North Carolina isn't New York and I'm not just the girl from a two-stoplight town anymore.
My parents once told me that even when I was six they knew that I would leave home. It seems that my need for bigger was marked. I grew up in an area that never expected to do anything more than become someone's wife, if I was lucky, or at the very least barefoot and pregnant. Bearing children and marrying someone you love are both worthy ventures yet I wanted something... Different. I did what I could to set myself on a separate path. Dancing to the beat of my own drum wasn't easy. I don't think that striking out on your own is ever easy when everything around you tells says to follow the crowd.
Coming home is hard. I have amazing family members who I enjoy visiting but being back here... Every twist and turn of the roads hold memories of a time long past. People who used to call me by name now behold me with a furrowed brow. My relationship status (or lack thereof) is a hotter topic than my recent academic ventures. Time moves slower. I go from having a packed schedule with barely time to scarf down lunch to spending my days basking in the warmth of the sun. It's always an adjustment either way.
The worse thing about coming home if the feeling of disconnect. Living in a small town, I am used to knowing some of the comings and goings of fellow natives. I know almost everything that happens on my campus. Sometimes, I know too much (#gossip). When I come home, I'm excluded. Most of my close friends I have met in the college system or, like me, they now attend school elsewhere. I have no idea who is dating who, what family drama is going down, who had babies, who passed away etc. My friends and family here might believe that I don't care about what happens at home. I do care, because even though my hometown doesn't feel the same anymore its an important part of who I am and who I will become.
I can't say that I regret my decision to leave home. I see where I could be if education was not my top priority - and its painful. Its painful that I felt that I had to choose between my hometown and my future. I hope that I made the right decision in the end.
