For 17 years of my life, home was in the mountains of northern New Hampshire. The closest highway and stoplight were a 40 minute drive on a back road and the same distance in the opposite direction to the Canadian border. Crazy Friday nights consisted of going to a movie and driving around blasting music. The sidewalks seemed to roll up by 5 p.m. with the exception of when there was a home basketball game. Families are tight-knit, everyone knows everyone and your secrets eventually became common knowledge.
The fear of leaving this home was always in the back of my mind. The home where I had such a strong support system. Where I had worked so hard to build a positive reputation and where I had achieved so much. Growing up in a place where I didn’t gain a lot of experience about life on the outside made me anxious about having to figure it all out on my own.
Once my junior year of high school came and my senior friends were graduating, it hit me. I was next. In less than a year the home I have come to find comfort and security in would no longer be my home. I would be leaving all the people I have grown so close to over the years and the high school in which I discovered my passions. The thought of constantly being surrounded by unfamiliar faces, sleeping in a strange bed and leaving behind the sheltered life I had in Groveton tied my stomach in knots.
Throughout my senior year, though towards the beginning I would find myself crying randomly at these thoughts, the tears eventually turned to indifference and readiness to experience life. I had never been the one to wish time away, but found myself wishing for myself to be at UNH and as far away from Groveton as possible. I had never been so excited for graduation and when that day came -- relief, instead of sadness, flooded my body.
I know what you’re thinking. “But you obviously got homesick.” “Leaving such a small town and going to a huge state school is too big of a transition to not miss home at all." You are completely right. My first few weeks, even my first few months at UNH were a challenge. Having to meet all new people, besides the one person in my class who also attended, was so scary for me. Having new teachers I had never seen a day in my life was nerve-wracking. It hurt not seeing my family every day. But oddly enough, I didn’t find myself missing Groveton. After I gained confidence and started making friends, leaving for the weekend and going back to my secluded home almost physically hurt me.
Living in a small town is great. The sense of community you experience growing up can be insanely comforting. But until you experience living in a place drastically larger, you don’t realize what you have been missing. The amount of opportunities that exist in these areas exceed your expectations. It is much easier to gain acceptance and find a group of people who you have meaningful connections with. I can honestly say that I have a deeper connection with my group of friends at school that I have known for 8 months than my former classmates I have known for 12 years.
Coming home to your family is great. Spending time with those friends that you miss from home is always necessary. But for me, it is impossible to picture myself ever living in Groveton for any significant amount of my time and feeling happy. Now that I have experienced life outside of the backwoods of New Hampshire, I want more. I want all that life has to offer. I want that job in the city. I want the opportunity to go out at night. I want the opportunity to explore new places and new interests. I have gotten a taste and now I want it all.
My year at college helped me to understand that Groveton provides almost none of what I need to fulfill the goals I have for myself. Though it is sometimes hard to accept, it is okay to know that you are destined for bigger and better things. Your family and friends are always a reason for you to come home, but unless you attend college closed-minded, it is unlikely you will be wishing to constantly be home. With such opportunities for fun, acceptance, knowledge, and growth, missing your little home will be the farthest thing from your mind. So if you are anxious this fall about leaving, it is completely normal. But I can almost guarantee you, if you make an effort to make the best of it, those feelings of anxiety will be gone before you know it.
