To The Man Who Can't Seem To Put The Bottle Down;
Thank you. Thank you for helping me realize that there are so many more important things in life than a handle of booze in a brown paper sack. That I can feel a rush from anything else, and I can be drunk off of someone’s love instead of a couple shots of whiskey.
I can’t stay bitter anymore when I remember that you were more content lying face down on the couch than you were cheering me on at any swim meet or choir concert. I’ve learned to appreciate my true supporters and those who are actually interested to know who I am as a person. I am not a punching bag, nor should I ever have been a target aimed to be shot at with angry, slurred words. What I am is a strong willed person who knows that in order to be happy, I need to forget about the harsh past and the negativity of the world; I can hold multiple healthy relationships with the ones I care for if I choose to do so. I also know in my head that the most powerful thing in life is unconditional love, which is possible to feel towards others and yourself. It saddens me to know that you will never feel that kind of love in your hollowed out heart towards anyone or anything but yourself and your liquid poison.
I don’t remember the last time your addiction lead me to feel so small. I can only clearly reflect on the days and nights where it helped me grow stronger. Because of you, I know how to stand up for myself; I’m not afraid to say what I want anymore. Now that I recognize that holding feelings in and cowering like a child in terror is never the right things to do.
There will be days where I begin to feel a little angry and my strength will begin to crumble, but then I picture you holding on to that bottle of Rum tighter than you’ve ever held me and I stop allowing that memory to dictate any of my happiness.
The future looks bright to me because of you. Because of you, I have a good head on my shoulders and I am so relieved to know that my children will never have to witness their mother in a state of mind that she always witnessed her father in. You will always have fire running through those veins of yours and I can only hope that one day you know that I truly mean it when I say thank you. Because of you, I will never let alcohol consume me the way it consumed you when you consumed it.
Sincerely,
The Daughter You Will Never Have The Pleasure Of Truly Knowing.
