Dear Love Life,
You really know how to screw with me. You're a lot more trouble than you're worth, and you really get on my nerves. You came into my life, telling me that boys didn't have cooties, and that I should try to like them as more than just friends. You seemed to be my awakening, the factor that began my trek to adulthood.
I thought you'd thrive. I thought you would find your own footing and help me strut into the strange realm, inhabited by the strange creatures that are boys. You made me think it would be easy; that they would be easy.
Oh Love Life...you're shady as all hell.
You have not been the best to me. You know...I mean you know...I mean...well...I never had a relationship. It's fine. Everything is fine. See, I really didn't care for almost all of my life. Yes, my little sister had a relationship before me, and almost all of my friends have - or have had - a relationship, but I was content.
However, now I am questioning you, Love Life. Maybe it's because I am almost 20...20...Most people in their 20s, find the one for them, get married and even have kids. Kids! This decade I am about to enter pretty much has everything go down, and you haven't even let me have a middle school romance that really isn't a romance, but at least it's something! So yeah, I am entering my second decade of life with nothing.
You have made me question everything about myself. Am I pretty enough? Is my personality good? Do I wear the right things, say the right things, do the right things? You have left me so confused - you have left me hurt.
You've made me doubt myself. Will I ever be good enough for someone? Will someone ever want to deal with me? You've really dragged me through the mud. You've made me try harder at my makeup, made me run extra at the gym...you made me go times without eating because for some reason, I really thought there was something wrong with me.
And you really tried to convince me that there was a problem. You let me be the third wheel, watch what I could not have, and really wonder why the hell I just can't commit...or why no one has even made the effort.
Really, you've been pissing me off as of late.
However, what if you're just patient? What if you're saving all those potentially bad relationships up in order to give me one great one? What if you're protecting me? I really hope you are. I'm trying to stay optimistic.
I should thank you though. I'm currently learning how to love myself, and I knew I could not be doing this if you interfered with a love interest. I'm working on myself, and I do not need someone working on it for me. I just want to be with someone who respects me and I respect in return. I want a best friend. I wasn't ready for a relationship. I still hate when people touch me, but I want to be straightforward with you because flirting is never straightforward and not being straightforward really pisses me off.
Love Life; I want you to know that I am ready. I'm ready for whatever you have planned, and I am willing to be patient. Nonetheless, I am only asking you to make it interesting.
Someone who is sick of your games