My dear little sister Yoanna,

Even though I don’t act like it sometimes, the truth is that I really miss you. I miss being around you and seeing you play happily. I miss your genuine hugs, that you would give with shy joy. I miss playing board games with you, especially Connect Four, and silently marvelling at your mastery of strategy. I miss coaching you on the piano, and befuddling our parents with the almost intuitive way I could explain chords and notes to you without looking, and you successfully playing it on the piano. I miss you.

I know I have not been a very good older brother to you. Though I am nearly nine years your senior, I still struggle to get along with you. I’ve yelled at you, scolded you, upset you and hurt you with my unkind words and actions. And still, you say that you miss me and that you grieve that I am not around. That sure looks like God’s love to me.

I shouldn’t wonder, really; after all, you were God’s gift to me. That’s what the name “Yoanna" means: God’s gift. Born to a couple that was in their late 30s, and to an impatient brother, you were a miracle. I still remember bouncing around the hospital after you were born, and grumbling to Mommy that I would have to wait for such a long time for you to grow big enough to play with me. Lo and behold, the years passed so quickly, and you are now on the cusp of your teenage years and womanhood.

Yoanna, you are a very special girl. Never forget that. You are special to Mommy and Daddy, and to me, but most of all, you are special to God. Remember how much He loves you, even more than anyone in our family could. In fact, I’m not sure you could forget that, with how much time you spend with Him, even more than I do. I could learn a thing or two from you.

Yes, I admitted it. The older brother you look up to also looks up to you in a way. You either already surpass me, or will surpass me, in many ways. Your uncanny ability to make friends and get to know other kids quickly, your unique memory, your musical talent; all of these are your own strengths.

I pray for you often. From the time you were young, I prayed you would grow in wisdom, stature, and in favour with God and with men. I see that you’re well on track for that, so keep working towards that.

I’m sorry I can’t be there in person with you for a few years as you continue to walk the path of life, and as you enter the rough teenage years. I’m sorry I can’t be a protector and confidante for now. I’m sorry I can’t be a role model you can be around every day.

But, this is my promise to you.

I will cherish you as the gift from God that you are.

I will make every effort to be there for you when you need it, regardless of the price I have to pay.

I will defend and protect you with every ounce of my being.

I will make sure anyone who hurts you pays for it.

I will be there to talk, to pray, and to play.

You are my sister, and I love you.

Your kor kor (big brother),

Jarrett