Since I haven’t seen your beautiful faces all summer, I figured I would write you guys a little letter since I miss you all. Yes, I know, I’m too sweet. Looking back on our freshman year of college over summer break, I appreciate you all so much more. I wouldn’t have all the incredible memories I do now without you all.
I’d like to start my letter off with thanking you all for everything you did for me during school. Thanks for putting up with my mood swings and breakdowns. Thanks for comforting me when I cried even though I yelled at you for trying to help me. It’s a vicious circle, I know, and I apologize for that. Thanks for talking mad shit with me when I’m angry, and then helping me calm down so I didn’t hurt anyone. That last part was essential, lemme tell ya. Thanks for having girl talk with me and driving me to Chick-fil-a late at night. Thanks for going goon squad and getting back my favorite hoodie when it was stolen, even though I didn’t ask you guys to. By the way, the next thing I need ya’ll to get is my car door handle… that sucker is still missing. Thanks for always being hungry and giving me a reason to go to the bistro to get “chicken tendies.” Thanks for adopting Jared as an honorary squad member and only hitting on Josie occasionally. Thanks for always coming on road trips to my house when I forgot stuff over the weekend. You guys made some possibly very boring drives super fun and memorable. Thanks for randomly stopping by my room when I do homework so I have an excuse to take a break. Thanks for changing clothes after you vaped outside because you know I hate the smell. Thanks for checking up on me when I have migraines to make sure I wasn’t dead. Thanks for always being perfect gentlemen when my family visited. I know acting like normal people must have been hard for you guys. Thanks for not hurting me or breaking my phone when I played “Emperor’s New Clothes” about ten times a day. It’s not my fault that it’s a good song, ok? Sheesh. Thanks for not getting too mad at me when I accidently… um… hurt you when we sparred with lightsabers. Thanks for not getting even angrier the next two times that happened, too. I seriously wasn’t aiming, you are just really unlucky. Thanks for helping me carry things to and from my car on the weekends. You’re welcome for your weekly workout, by the way. Thanks for climbing big rocks and trees with me. Thanks for watching HGTV with me every day without too much complaining. Thanks for watching my favorite musicals with me and sharing your delicious popcorn with me. You have to admit Les Mis was a masterpiece, though. If you remember it at all… that was a late night. You guys were pretty slap-happy by the end. I guess we’ll just have to re-watch it then! Yay! Thanks for being great friends, even throughout summer, too. Thanks for the memes, youtube links, and random pictures and texts. Thanks for not forgetting about me these past three months.
Surprisingly, I learned a lot from you boys. I learned who Tupac is and how to properly pronounce his name. Apparently, it’s not pronounced “two-pack” but whatevs. I learned boys can put away a surprisingly large amount of food in a single meal. I knew that before, but damn, you guys can seriously eat! I learned you all like politics a little too much. Did we really need a debate every mealtime? I guess so. Watching the debates with you all was actually fun, however. I learned that anime is an actual thing and that some of the movies aren’t half bad. I learned that Forrest Gump is one of the best movies ever made. I also learned if you don’t cry during Forrest Gump, then you’re dead inside. I learned it’s possible to write a one page paper and still get an A on it, even though it was supposed to be 12+ pages long. I never got so lucky to have this happen to me, but it’s apparently doable if the professor likes you. I learned you guys like to pull pranks, like hiding under my bed to scare me, changing my key chain, or pretending to take your clothes off right in front of me. I learned that I didn’t like being alone as much as I used to because I liked being with you guys so much. I learned what true friends look like.
I can’t wait to take on sophomore year with you all! I hope we make even more memories that last a lifetime. Try not to burn the building down with me as your RA. That would be awkward and I’d probably get fired. I don’t want to get fired. Also, if I’m not your RA, make sure you come visit me. You know I’ll hunt you down if you don’t come see me. Don’t make me hunt you down.
Lastly, I hope you’re all enjoying your summer! Hopefully none of you have gotten too sunburned from playing Pokemon Go all day. Soon we’ll be back at Hiram and you’ll have to deal with me again. You poor suckers!
OK, I’m done now. Bye.
Hailey/Tobae/Prince of Hell
P.S. I'm going to be pretty mad if none of you actually read this. Just warning ya'll now.