I know you don’t need to know all of my business, but I am going to share a very personal story with you. As a now 21 year old, I look back and I think about everything that I have been through in this crazy journey called life. We all have struggles along the journey. We sometimes either change for the better (or worse!), and sometimes there might not be any growth at all. In this personal story, there is love, loss, anger, confusion, and lastly hope. I want to welcome you on this personal journey and I hope you can see pieces of your own life in it, too.
Love. My dear Uncle Benny was my favorite person (besides my mom!) in my life. He was very integral to my upbringing. I remember he would encourage me in making good grades and laugh with me. We also bonded on early Saturday mornings while he let me watch Spider-Man cartoons in the living room and he cooked breakfast. He loved his routine. Every Christmas, my mom and I always knew what he wanted for Christmas, which was a new pair of sneakers, a pack of socks, and few polo shirts. I remember he loved his polo and plaid shirts. He had a smile on his face and said, “thank you” each time, even though he already knew what my mom had bought him. There was love in his life and he embraced it.
Loss. It was December 5, 2008. For me, this was the worst day of my life. I was 14 years old and a freshman in high school. Throughout that day, Uncle Benny was totally fine and he did his usual routine. Later on that night, it all changed. That night, he went home to be with the Lord. The man who practically helped raise me. The man who encouraged me. The man who made me laugh and knew all of my favorite foods. The man who just loved me…he was gone and things weren’t the same again.
Anger and Confusion. I took his death very hard. Sometimes, I still think about it, to be honest. I took a turn for the worst. I pushed my mom away emotionally. I was angry all the time. I didn’t care about school anymore. I was a lot more withdrawn than I usually am. I hurt people with my words and actions. I rebelled against almost everything. I will admit, I was mad at God. I mean, I was really mad at God. I admit, I stopped going to church for a while and I questioned my faith. This was because of my point of view. At the time, I saw it as God taking my dear uncle away from me. Yet, now I realize that God needed him more than I did.
Hope. At the time of my uncle’s death, I didn’t know I could feel such pain in my heart. I didn’t know that pain existed. To be honest, when my uncle passed away, he took a piece of my heart with him. That is how it truly felt. Now, I know that there is hope. There are days that are better than others. The big moments in life (like graduation!) are the moments that I wish I could physically share with him. Somehow, I know that he is there. He is with me in those moments, in my heart.
I hope he knows how much I loved him. I hope he knows how much he was dearly loved. I hope that he is singing and dancing with the Lord. I hope that I have made him proud. Above all else, I hope he is smiling down upon me, forever and always.
