Grammy,
It's the sneakiest of thieves. No one knows what to expect from it, what it's going to take form you, when it's going to strike, or how quickly it robs you. But, it is the worst thief of all. Alzheimer's swept in. It took it's time for the most part, but at times it had no patience. It wanted everything from you. Your incredible sense of humor, your inspiring emotional response, your incredible attachment to dogs, and blissful connection with children. It wanted your memory, your personality, your entire personhood. It took your ability to recognize, sympathize, communicate, understand.
You tried fighting it. You tried denying it. You tried holding onto your memory. But, that's the thing with this type of a thief. Your fate was decided long before you even knew. You beat yourself up for it. Your periodic episodes became more frequent, and eventually you didn't recognize any of us. Not just our names, but our faces, and how we were all connected. But, if you can understand, if one day when you are up in heaven and you can hear me, I want you to know it's all okay. You are loved and will be remembered for who you are and have been, not for what Alzheimer's has taken from you.
Your love was exceptional. Everything you did, no matter how little, was sewn with the utmost care. It showed in the way you would subtly tuck the dangling pieces of hair behind our heads while we were eating; the way you would attend every life event your grandkids had, regardless of the four hour drive; the way you would voluntarily walk Buster in the morning when we visited before anyone else was awake. Everything you did was a product of your unconditional love. Everything you are is the definition of unconditional love.
Early morning beach sunrises are the most sentimental memories I have with you. If anyone was going to see the sunrise, you would accompany them without a question. The beauty you found in everything was such a gift I have learned so much from. Every sunrise I look at from now on will have a part of you in it. You've changed the way I see the world.
When people tell me I look like you, or remind them of you, I am overwhelmingly proud. I am so proud to have you as a grandmother, to have learned from you and loved with you. There is nothing I want more than for you to know that, and I really hope you do.
There's something I've learned just recently. For quite some time, I was only thankful for what I presently had. My family, my dogs, my house, food on the table, etc. I now now, though, that anything you have been thankful for before, you can be thankful for for the rest of your life.
Obviously, I wish you never had to go through the agony of Alzheimer's. Obviously, I wish we could make more memories now and have deep conversations with you. I wish I could ask you about your childhood and learn about what you were like when you were my age. But, I am so thankful for all the time we've had. I am so thankful for the 20 years you have been in my life. I am thankful for you teaching me the beauties of life through all our countless memories.
Although things are different now, there's still positives in every day! Everything is just a lot more simple. There's a beauty in a smile on your face that wasn't so obvious before. When you release even the tiniest chuckle at one of our jokes, we are left with nothing but warm hearts. Love, happiness, laughter. That is what life is all about, and that is all you have ever shown and taught me. I love you Grammy. Forever and ever.
Love,
Kelly
