Ever since you left, my world hasn’t been the same. It’s been almost two years now and I still catch myself thinking you’re going to be on the other end of the line when my phone starts to ring. I am reminded of you everyday. When I wake up and see your cowboy hat perched on my bedroom wall. When I put my socks on and see the initials GTC that are permanently inked into my foot. When I sit down at my desk at work and a picture of us sits there smiling back at me. As much as it hurt at first, and I tried to push any memory of you away, it is actually soothing now. Talking about you still causes a huge lump in my throat, but the small daily reminders of you keep me going.
So much has changed since you have been gone, and I am a different person than I was when we last spoke. Speaking of that, I am sorry that I didn’t make it there in time to tell you goodbye. I have always thought that the sadness portrayed by actors when they literally crumple into someone's arms unable to stand was only in the movies. I was proven wrong when the overwhelming feeling of grief took over me the night you passed and my legs no longer wanted to work. A piece of me left when you did.
I know that you are watching over everyone and already know about everything that has happened in the past two years, but Joey is about to be a Father! Can you believe it?! The little shit that used to tow me around in the trailer we’d hook up to your tractor is going to be responsible for another human life! I’m so excited to tell her about you and all of the adventures Joey and I used to have with you. I know my Dad is going to be the best Grandfather to her, just like you were to your grandkids.
The hardest part about missing you is that it is a void that can never be filled. There is never going to be another person in my life that will play the role you had for the first 21 years of my existence. No one can compete with the love from a Grandfather. Especially a Grandfather like you.
I can still hear you saying “I just want to squeeze you!” and picture your arms open about to give the best bear hug anyone could give. I can still picture you sitting on the bleachers at any given sporting event Joey or I were participating in. Often there for the games before I even was. You were “Grampy Tom” to everybody. You were someone I knew would always be in my corner.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you, and I make it through life knowing that eventually one day I will see you again. We’ll walk down to your pasture with all your horses and you’ll be laughing your distinctive belly laugh that comes all the way from your toes. We’ll find a seat on a bench under the shade of an old apple tree.
