Last week, I was surfing the internet when I came across something that really made me stop and think. It was a tumblr post from the singer/songwriter Frank Ocean. The post was a letter to himself five years ago, explaining how he got to where he is now. The letter made me reflect on the last five years of my life and think about what I would tell myself if I got the chance.
I decided to give it a try:
Hey Mariah,
You are about to start your sophomore year of high school and even though you don’t know it yet, it will be your favorite year. You are going to learn a lot about yourself and about what you want in life. You are going to make some friends that will stick with you throughout high school and you are going to grow apart from two people that you thought would be there for a long time. Even though it will be hard at first, you’ll learn that this is something that happens a lot in life.
You will start your first AP class this year. Despite that fact that you are going to want to throw your AP European History book into the fiery depths of hell sometimes, its actually going to teach you a lot about how to study in college.
In a few months, you are going to get your first kiss. It’s actually a pretty cute story, but I’ll let you experience it for yourself. I know right now you feel like the only girl in the world who hasn’t had a boyfriend, but you don’t need to worry. In a year, you are going to meet another boy who will have a big effect on your life. You guys will be together for two years and he will make you feel beautiful and loved. However, you are going to learn towards the end that being loved by someone doesn’t change the fact that you need to love yourself first. The break-up will hurt, but you’ll be okay.
The truth is, there will be a lot of first kisses in your life that lead to nothing. Slowly, you’ll begin to figure out that kisses aren’t promises and that real love is hard to come by. Contrary to all of those YA novels that you read, you don’t need to find the person you’ll be with forever before graduation. Love has no rules and no timeline. All you can do is patiently wait for the one who makes your heart skip a beat and live your life in the meantime. In case you are wondering, five years later, you are still waiting.
I’m not going to lie to you, once junior year starts, things are going to get pretty damn hard. That thing that you are scared of happening? Well it’s going to happen. You are going to get sick again and it’s going to affect you worse than before. For a long time, you are going to be angry and bitter at your circumstances. You are going to wish with all of your heart that you could be someone else. However, eventually you are going to accept your fate and you are going to learn a lot from your experience.
I promise you, what you are about to go through will be worth it.
Along with learning from your experience, your illness is going to place you on the path that leads to where you are now. You are going to choose a university that is close to your family and to a hospital. Then you are going to make some decisions that will shape your college experience.
You promise yourself that no matter what you are going to take risks and get out of your comfort zone. Over the course of your first two years of college, you join a sorority (no I’m not joking), tennis club, a public speaking club, an intermural team, and you start publishing your writing online. You get your first job in the medical field and you learn how to work hard without getting a thank you.
Through all of your experiences, you meet people and you make friends. You never become the funniest, prettiest, or smartest person in the room. But you do find people you can laugh with and confide in. You find friends who build you up and make you believe in yourself. You find people that feel like home.
Your life is never perfect and you still make a lot of dumb mistakes. But you are happy. That’s the most important thing, you are happy.
Tomorrow, you are going to hear if you got an interview from nursing school. You have a pretty good chance. It may seem like it’s a million miles away, but every day that passes you are getting closer to your dream. I promise that if you stay strong, be patient, and work hard, everything is going to turn out okay. You’re almost there kid.
What would you say to yourself five years ago if you could?
