I do not know where to start, and I definitely do not know where to end. I know that this will be the most difficult article I will ever write, but there are so many things I want to get out there; there are so many things anyone losing a loved one wants to say. To anyone reading this, whether sick, healthy, or my loved one, please understand that this is not me being sad, but me putting everything out there that I wish I had said in the past.

Dear Family Member,

I love you. If you do not take anything out of this article, please understand that I will always love you beyond words can express. Whether living close or far, I wish I could see you every day, but unfortunately I am not in that position, so this will have to do for now. You may not be that much taller than me, but I can honestly say that I will always look up to you. I am not sure if I would even be writing this article right now if it weren't for your huge plans for my future. From the time I was very young you said I would do something big. You saw me as not only a lawyer, but you saw me being able to be a chief justice in the Supreme Court. I know everyone's family members say that they will do big things, but you always said it with a genuine smile that showed me you believed every word that rolled off your tongue. I will never forget the faith you have in me.

I will always remember you for all the good things you have done. I remember the time that my dad could not make my birthday dinner, and you decided to show up and make me smile. My brother may have been sobbing in the pictures, but I remember you making not only myself, but the people around us laugh; you always make anyone else laugh despite the sometimes corniness to your jokes. I will never forget the dance recitals, band concerts, school plays, and so many more events that you attended. I would not have wished anyone else to be in attendance, but you. I will always remember with a smile on my face the reaction to the song my brother and I used to sing to annoy you. You would cover your ears and sing over us, making us sing louder and louder until we were told by grandma to, "shut the hell up!" Above all, I will always remember you.

I want to say that I am sorry for any times I hurt you unintentionally. I still feel bad for all the times I made you mad, sad, or any emotion in between by accident. There was the time you got the wrong ice cream, and grammy and I gave you a hard time. I know you forgive me for that, but I think it will always kill me how I laughed rather than apologizing. Despite my guilt for all those times, those times taught me lessons that made me a better person. You have always given me advice and taught me so many random facts (though I may not always listen) that I really do believe you have made me who I am today.

You may not like it, but I will always miss you. I know that no matter what I say you will feel bad, but I do not want you to feel guilty for this. I will miss you because we had an amazing relationship, and I would not trade anything for that bond. You may no longer live an hour away, but I know that if I picked up the phone right now, you would be there to support me. For whoever reading this who has lost or is losing a family member, please remember it is okay to grieve the loss of them; it means you had the honor of knowing an amazing person. As sad as it is to make this statement, I can honestly say that every day I experience physical pain, but I do not think any of that can compare to the emotional pain of losing you. Yet, I would never trade our relationship and the pain its loss will cause me because without you I would not be the person I am today.

There will always be a million things I want to tell you. There are secrets and fun facts and jokes, but for now I will settle on this article. To anyone who is sick, your family really loves you. You may feel guilty for leaving them, but we will always remember you. You will always be a part of our lives in more way than one, and I just hope somehow you get to see what we do, because, papa, I plan to do amazing things.

Sincerely,

Your loving family member