“I’m crying and I can’t stop. Only twenty minutes ago I was nannying and the mother of the family came back to tell me I should go home, that my dad wanted to tell me something. Excited but also scared, thoughts raced across my mind wondering what it could be about - perhaps a surprise puppy. I didn’t think the surprise would be news of you passing away.”

I wrote this down on August 2nd, less than an hour after my dad told me.

On August 3rd, my dad, your boyfriend Steve, and I went to your house. I found the huge card I made for you on your birthday on display in your room.

You loved it so much. I knew how proud you were of my artistic talents. I knew how proud you were of me.

I miss you more than words can explain, Lori. Some days I just want nothing more than to hug you tight. I just want to hear you call me sweetie or sweetheart one more time. Your voice was so sweet and calming and I loved it. I love you.

I know you won't respond, but it will feel so good to let this out.

You were such a loving spirit. You had a personality worth more than anything. Your patient - but SASSY AS HELL - soul is something I'll never forget.

I'm just sad you only knew me for almost seventeen years. I turn 21 in two weeks, and it saddens me that we won’t get to legally enjoy a glass of wine together.

Here I am in my third year at a liberal-arts college, an incredibly outspoken, feminist, compassionate, stubborn, liberal, studious spirit that doesn’t mind giving anyone a piece of her mind. Does that remind you of someone? I hope your spirit still engulfs those you loved/love.

I feel so sad sometimes. Maybe it's because I can't live completely happily without you here. We had a special connection, didn't we? I used to cry every time I even thought about you.

I will be okay. But I am still so sad you're gone. I miss you and love you so much. You weren't just an aunt... you were my sister.

You were my friend. A best friend. A mother. My Auntie, as I called you. I love you so much and I want you to know we all miss you.

And just for you, I hope there is a God. I sincerely doubt that, but, I want you to be happy. Be free, Lori. You're beautiful in my memory - inside and out.

I don't want to be sad. Not anymore. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think about you often. I will live like you would want me to.

Lastly, I am sorry you died the way you died. I wish you could have found peace. But as I said in a journal entry after you passed: I hope there is a heaven, and I hope you’ve found peace up there.