Dear Emma,
I, better than anyone else, understand what you're going through. You're just figuring out that you are different from everyone else. I know this can be scary, but I promise you, you can handle it. Since I've already been through all this, I'm here now to help you out.
You know the way you feel when you see an attractive girl? How you get butterflies and your face gets really hot? Yeah, contrary to what you've been telling yourself, straight girls don't feel that way. That's the way they feel when they see an attractive boy. And you know how you feel nothing when you kiss a boy? No, thats not because he's not "the one", it's because there is nothing there that you are interested in.
When it comes to Mom and Dad, you need to relax. They are not going to kick you out or not love you anymore. You are blessed with two of the most understanding and accepting parents that a little gay kid like yourself could ask for. Don't worry, you don't have to sit them down and tell them; not only do they already know, but they don't expect anything like that from you. And with Doug and Julia, they don't care. To them you're still their annoying older sister, it doesn't matter to them if you want to date a boy or a girl.
When it comes to your friends, similar to Mom and Dad, they already know. They're not going to stop being your friend. They love you for who you are and they aren't going to give up on you because of who you love. If anything, they will love you more because you will finally be comfortable being your whole self around them. This part will take some time, but it will definitely bring you closer to them. Also, if on the rare chance someone is uncomfortable with you being who you are, you don't need them in your life. Don't keep negativity in your life.
I know being in high school is hard. You don't know any other gay kids at school and you don't want to be known as the only gay kid. I understand that, but listen to me: just because you are the only one doesn't make it a bad thing. You need to stop worrying about other people. The only person you need to worry about is yourself. That means stop going to change in the corner of the locker room so that people don't think you're checking them out while they change. You are a girl and you are just as entitled to change in there as much as they are. Stop watching what you say around people. People tell you all the time how attractive a guy they saw in the mall the other day is, you are just as welcome to tell them about the cute girl you saw at work. Stop trying to please other people. Just because Mom would love to see you in a dress for prom doesn't mean you have to wear one. We both know that you will be much happier and comfortable in that tux that you've been eyeing.
I know it's hard right now, but let me tell you this: when you get to the point that I've gotten to, you're going to look back and laugh. Once you get to college, you will have gained so much self confidence, you won't even be phased when someone accidentally calls you a guy. You will build a group of friends who love you and accept you. You will have gone from being the awkwardly shy gay girl to the outgoing lesbian that is friends with everyone. I'm not going to tell you that it's all smooth sailing once you get to this point. You still struggle with hopeless crushes on straight girls and it still takes a long mental pep-talk to go into a public bathroom. It's not all rainbows and roses, but I can tell you that I'm the happiest I've ever been. The best way I can explain to is with a quote from the late Joan Rivers, "I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. You get better."
Sincerely,
Emma
