To My Biggest Enemies: Depression And Anxiety

To My Biggest Enemies: Depression And Anxiety

I do have to admit, though, I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for your motivation.
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Dear depression and anxiety,

What can I begin to say about you? You both have had a huge influence on my life and continue to push me every day. Remember, in high school, I had to give a presentation to a small group and you made me start to cry and freak out?

Haha... Man, those were good times.

Oh, do you remember when depression made me stay as close to my bed as possible for three weeks? It convinced me that everyone in my fraternity hated me. Yeah, you the real MPV, bro.

Every single time you made me feel like crap, question everyone's actions around me, or made me completely fade into the black, I still fought through and came out better.

You see, no matter how hard you try to rattle my brain, my heart is always going to keep fighting to push you away. No matter what you try to say to convince me that all of my friends hate me and are plotting against me — true or not — it won't work. I am stronger than you and I won't let you pull me down.

You both are like abusive friends. Abusive friends will always be there when you're at your darkest point. Of course, right? Because, deep down, they want to see you fail. They see you as a threat to their spotlight and will do anything to make you feel like a lesser person.

You both have lied to me. You've, quite literally, pulled me back into my bed and held me hostage. You both have had my brain in shackles and chains for years, like a prisoner.

I do have to admit, though, I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for your motivation. Through all of the jitters and the waves of emotion that were brought on by anyone's actions, I always pushed you back down. From the loss of close family members to watching people distance themselves from me, I have continued to persist on my journey in life.

I will never be able to thank you for all of the lessons that I have learned through your acts of terror on my brain. You have taught my heart to toughen up and not to give in so easily to whims. You have hardened my mind and body to the attacks, and I now have a system of defending myself from you. I am who I am because of you. You will always be a part of me, but that doesn't mean you control me.

Love always,

Leah

P.S.: Stop it with the bullshit, anxiety. I know how to write an article.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won't see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won't laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won't go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They'll miss you. They'll cry.

You won't fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won't get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won't be there to wipe away your mother's tears when she finds out that you're gone.

You won't be able to hug the ones that love you while they're waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won't be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won't find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won't celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won't turn another year older.

You will never see the places you've always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You'll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it's not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don't let today be the end.

You don't have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It's not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I'm sure you're no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won't do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you'll be fine." Because when they aren't, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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I Stopped Wearing Makeup For A Week And I've Never Felt More Confident

You don't need makeup to look and feel beautiful if you don't want to.

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I began wearing makeup in middle school for special occasions. Whenever there was a school dance, I'd don on some mascara and I would feel beautiful. This continued until the end of my sophomore year of high school when I decided that putting on makeup would become part of my everyday morning routine. Eventually, wearing makeup was something people expected to see rather than something that I wore on occasion.

Things stayed the same until my freshman year of college. There were some days during my first year in college that I couldn't be bothered to wear makeup, because I was in a rush. However, whenever these days occurred, I usually had friends ask me why I was so tired and if everything was okay. I have prominent bags under my eyes that I usually cover up with a concealer, and though I slept enough and tried many remedies, they just wouldn't disappear. Without my makeup though, my friends were concerned and thought that something might be wrong. While they had good intentions, I thought that I must not look good without my makeup.

From then on, I started wearing makeup every day, no matter what. If I went to grab some food quick, I had to wear makeup. Review session for math on Saturday in the morning? Makeup. Volunteering for a club? Makeup. Class? Makeup, always makeup. If there was any chance that I would run into someone that I knew I had to put on makeup because I felt that I would be judged and wanted to look my best at all times.

When I started taking an 8 a.m. class this semester, something changed.

One day, I was running late and was rushing to get to my class on time. I didn't have time to put on any makeup before class. At first, I was self-conscious without any makeup covering up my circles and I felt naked. I thought that people would notice, but I don't think that anyone even noticed. The following week, I had exams and felt that getting a few more minutes of sleep was much more satisfying than putting on makeup, so I went without any makeup that week. At first, I was still self-conscious of not having anything on my face to cover up the imperfections, but as the week wore on, I felt free. Without any makeup, I never had to take any off at night. Normally my mascara takes forever to get off, which is a hassle. Also, I felt that without the makeup, I felt like I looked better over time. I was more confident about how I looked with and without the makeup.

Since that fateful week of not wearing makeup, I've found that not wearing any makeup to be extremely freeing. While I do still sometimes put it on, it is no longer a necessity. If you wear makeup constantly, I suggest trying to go without wearing makeup for a few days. There's nothing wrong with wearing makeup, and there also isn't anything wrong with not wearing makeup either.

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