To My Biggest Enemies: Depression And Anxiety

To My Biggest Enemies: Depression And Anxiety

I do have to admit, though, I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for your motivation.
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Dear depression and anxiety,

What can I begin to say about you? You both have had a huge influence on my life and continue to push me every day. Remember, in high school, I had to give a presentation to a small group and you made me start to cry and freak out?

Haha... Man, those were good times.

Oh, do you remember when depression made me stay as close to my bed as possible for three weeks? It convinced me that everyone in my fraternity hated me. Yeah, you the real MPV, bro.

Every single time you made me feel like crap, question everyone's actions around me, or made me completely fade into the black, I still fought through and came out better.

You see, no matter how hard you try to rattle my brain, my heart is always going to keep fighting to push you away. No matter what you try to say to convince me that all of my friends hate me and are plotting against me — true or not — it won't work. I am stronger than you and I won't let you pull me down.

You both are like abusive friends. Abusive friends will always be there when you're at your darkest point. Of course, right? Because, deep down, they want to see you fail. They see you as a threat to their spotlight and will do anything to make you feel like a lesser person.

You both have lied to me. You've, quite literally, pulled me back into my bed and held me hostage. You both have had my brain in shackles and chains for years, like a prisoner.

I do have to admit, though, I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for your motivation. Through all of the jitters and the waves of emotion that were brought on by anyone's actions, I always pushed you back down. From the loss of close family members to watching people distance themselves from me, I have continued to persist on my journey in life.

I will never be able to thank you for all of the lessons that I have learned through your acts of terror on my brain. You have taught my heart to toughen up and not to give in so easily to whims. You have hardened my mind and body to the attacks, and I now have a system of defending myself from you. I am who I am because of you. You will always be a part of me, but that doesn't mean you control me.

Love always,

Leah

P.S.: Stop it with the bullshit, anxiety. I know how to write an article.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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30 Things I'd Rather Be Than 'Pretty'

Because "pretty" is so overrated.
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Nowadays, we put so much emphasis on our looks. We focus so much on the outside that we forget to really focus on what matters. I was inspired by a list that I found online of "Things I Would Rather Be Called Instead Of Pretty," so I made my own version. Here is a list of things that I would rather be than "pretty."

1. Captivating

I want one glance at me to completely steal your breath away.

2. Magnetic

I want people to feel drawn to me. I want something to be different about me that people recognize at first glance.

3. Raw

I want to be real. Vulnerable. Completely, genuinely myself.

4. Intoxicating

..and I want you addicted.

5. Humble

I want to recognize my abilities, but not be boastful or proud.

6. Exemplary

I want to stand out.

7. Loyal

I want to pride myself on sticking out the storm.

8. Fascinating

I want you to be hanging on every word I say.

9. Empathetic

I want to be able to feel your pain, so that I can help you heal.

10. Vivacious

I want to be the life of the party.

11. Reckless

I want to be crazy. Thrilling. Unpredictable. I want to keep you guessing, keep your heart pounding, and your blood rushing.

12. Philanthropic

I want to give.

13. Philosophical

I want to ask the tough questions that get you thinking about the purpose of our beating hearts.

14. Loving

When my name is spoken, I want my tenderness to come to mind.

15. Quaintrelle

I want my passion to ooze out of me.

16. Belesprit

I want to be quick. Witty. Always on my toes.

17. Conscientious

I want to always be thinking of others.

18. Passionate

...and I want people to know what my passions are.

19. Alluring

I want to be a woman who draws people in.

20. Kind

Simply put, I want to be pleasant and kind.

21. Selcouth

Even if you've known me your whole life, I want strange, yet marvelous. Rare and wondrous.

22. Pierian

From the way I move to the way I speak, I want to be poetic.

23. Esoteric

Do not mistake this. I do not want to be misunderstood. But rather I'd like to keep my circle small and close. I don't want to be an average, everyday person.

24. Authentic

I don't want anyone to ever question whether I am being genuine or telling the truth.

25. Novaturient

..about my own life. I never want to settle for good enough. Instead I always want to seek to make a positive change.

26. Observant

I want to take all of life in.

27. Peart

I want to be honestly in good spirits at all times.

28. Romantic

Sure, I want to be a little old school in this sense.

29. Elysian

I want to give you the same feeling that you get in paradise.

30. Curious

And I never want to stop searching for answers.
Cover Image Credit: Favim

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Don't Forget About Self-Love

It's been a long winter, don't forget to put yourself first.

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For most people, spring break still isn't for another few weeks and let's be honest - it's very needed at this point. January felt like five months just by itself and it feels like winter has been going on for years. So amidst midterms, jobs, events, and everything else going on remember that sometimes you need to put yourself first.

It doesn't help anyone for you to be constantly busy and beating yourself up when one thing goes wrong. This especially doesn't help you. Everyone is feeling pressure from something, and no one is going to blame you for using some of your free time to get yourself back on track. You're much more useful when you're cup is full than when you're completely drained from trying to do everything at all times.

In college, we learn to be people-pleasers whether we want to or not. You want to impress your professor, your boss, and even your friends. You want everyone to think that you are having the most amazing time at all times. Sometimes a lot of negative feelings come up when you can't be doing something for everyone and then you feel liked you've failed.

This pressure is especially true for graduating seniors. We're all so focused on what's next and how we can maximize all our time left that we forget to take care of ourselves. We take on every project we can to prove we can do it. We try to hang out with everyone we know because we may never see them again after graduation. We constantly worry that we're just running out of time to do everything. Sometimes we forget that if we burn ourselves out now, we're not going to be able to do much later.

While the solution isn't to just give up and become a hermit, we need to realize that sometimes the best thing to do is to take a step back. If you have thirty different projects going on ask for help on some of them. Collaborating is much easier than drowning in endless work. If you have free time and you've been busy all week take a night off instead of committing to seeing every friend you have. Self-breaks are sometimes the best breaks.

In the end, remember that you're not alone by any means when it comes to anything you're feeling and sometimes it just takes getting away to get better.

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