I have always believed that my dad is the best dad around, I’m sure most kids do. I believe this, though, because my dad has never been too busy for me. He’s never had something better to do time and time again when I ask him to hang out. He’s never put another woman before me. He has included me into every part of his life. He would come running at any time of the day or night for me if I needed him. He’s the greatest, and you know what? I’ve always felt a little guilty for being able to say to that.

I’ve felt guilty because since I was 12 years old, I’ve watched my best friend have the complete opposite experience. I have felt guilty for the multiple phone calls I would get after school every day from my dad who just wanted to know how my day went. I have felt guilty all the times my dad would spontaneously ask me if I wanted to go do something fun. I have felt guilty all the times it was my dad who would pick me up from somewhere instead of my mom. I’ve felt guilty all of these times because through most of them, my best friend was right there watching my dad do all of these things too. It wasn’t fair; so instead of just wishing her dad knew, I guess I’ll just go ahead and tell him.

Dear best friend’s dad,

Look, I know you’re not a bad guy. You’ve let me stay at your house, bought me a few meals here and there, you’ve given me rides to places. I appreciate all of those things. You are a good guy, but you aren't a good dad.

I know in your mind, you’re probably thinking, “I could be way worse,” but let me tell you right now, that’s not the point. The point is that you’re not being the best dad you can be. How does that not bother you? How do you not want to know what your daughter’s up to in her life? She is half of you for goodness sake. Maybe you think, “Well, she doesn’t ask what’s going on in my life. She doesn’t call to see how I’m doing,” but let me tell you something maybe you’ve never heard before - it is not your child’s job to have a relationship with you. As a father, it is your job to make sure you two have a relationship. It is your responsibility.

Do you know how many times your daughter has told me she misses you? Do you know how many times she has asked to do something and you’ve said no? Do you know how many times she has just needed you and you didn't even budge? I’m guessing you probably don’t, but she does. It’s burned in her mind all the times she wasn’t enough for you. It is part of her childhood, and now her young adult life, that her dad hasn’t always been there for her. It is normal for her to beg for your attention, but guess what? One day she’s going to stop begging you. She’s going to stop caring if you show up or not. One day, she’s going to give up on you.

Maybe you don’t care right now, but I guarantee that one day you will. Maybe it’ll be the day she gets her dream job, but doesn’t call you to tell you about it. Maybe it’ll be the day she walks down the aisle on her wedding day, but didn’t ask you to walk her down it. Maybe it’ll be the day she has her first child and doesn’t bother to stop by and let you see him or her. Whatever day it is, it’ll be too late. It’ll be too late to mend the cuts you made between the two of you.

I may not be a parent, and I may not understand how hard it is to be one, but I am a daughter. I do understand that a father shouldn’t walk away and it is a weak act to choose to. My only hope for you is that you do something before it’s too late. Being a parent is a selfless position. You have to stop choosing the woman that catches your eye. You have to stop choosing a night out at the bars. You have to stop choosing yourself. Being a dad means you just open your arms and choose her.