I miss you. Just thinking about writing this is breaking my heart. Part of me wants you to read this and think about everything that I've said. But some other part of me doesn't want you to read this, because I have a feeling you don't know about how I feel.

I miss the people we used to be, the things we used to do, and the conversations we used to have about absolutely nothing. It's safe to say, I could not have gotten through high school without you. Attached at the hip, we basically conquered the world together. We survived gym classes, religion classes, and math classes together. We survived high school parties, sports games, and dances together. We were constantly giving each other advice and dreaming of a life outside of our small town.

I remember the sleepovers that we had, where we would stay up until 3 in the morning, giggling over your "flying" cow pillow pet. We were so drunk off of happiness. Nothing was going to break the two of us apart. Hell, we bought matching polka-dot onesies and sang "The Lonely Island" songs to each other; it was basically a bond not to be broken. We wouldn't be spotted without each other. It got to the point where if one of us was missing in class, teachers would ask us why the other one was out. "Now you can finally pay attention in class and not be distracted because you have no one around you to talk to!" exclaimed our calc teacher. We were a package deal; everybody knew that.

Lunches were the greatest times of the day. Every day, without fail, we talked about things that would make me laugh so hard tears would stream down my cheeks. I also snorted quite often when I laughed, gaining the attention of the entire cafeteria, but that just made us laugh even harder. I constantly complained about your repulsive yogurt and the way it smelled and we always played with your Scooby Doo gummies like little kids. Extremely inappropriate jokes were shared, notes were passed, and those oil wipes for your face were always graciously accepted. We always waited for the other to finish lunch so we could throw our trash away, walk by the table of hot guys, and then go to the bathroom. We were so annoying, but who the hell cares.

We fought over the pettiest things. You were overly upset because I couldn't stay for your entire birthday party, because I had to go see my old friends at a dance competition. I ended up cutting my meeting with my friends short so I could spend the entire two-day birthday bash with you. Also, remember the time we fought over who could say Niall was their favorite? Because I do. You never let me have him. But those arguments only lasted a day at the most, we couldn't stay angry at each other.

I remember walking down to your locker around 7:50 a.m. each morning so we could gossip about all the things we talked about the night before. I remember planning our apartment in London together. I remember the shopping trips we used to take and how I hated trying on clothes. I remember the Hersheypark trips that we took. And I remember how we planned to call each other every week during our college years. But I guess things change, people change, and environments change.

Boys. That's what broke us. We always told each other "chicks before dicks," "sisters before misters," or "ovaries before brovaries." We told each other that nothing was going to break us apart. When we sat at home, fuming over our parents, we texted each other about our future, where we would live, the sleepovers we would have, and the dogs we would get. But one day you got a boyfriend, and all that planning stopped.

Despite the age difference and the fact that I wouldn't hold all of your attention anymore, I was so happy for you. You were quick to fall in love. And I was still hopelessly in love with the boy that sat across from me in class and gave me hives every time he spoke a word to me. Efforts were made to get me a boyfriend so we could double date and do couple things together, but unlike you, I just wasn't ready for the commitment.

After a few months, I worried about you. He started clouding your every thought. Every time we hung out, you were texting him. It was all meaningless, like "what are you doing," "nothing," "oh okay," "yeah," "yup," but it was 24/7. I don't know how someone could be attracted to somebody so clingy, but you somehow did it. After all, it was your first relationship and you were already thinking of your future with him. Jealousy became my middle name when our texts conversations became less constant and hanging out with you on the weekends became a luxury because you were always with him. At the time, I was talking to a boy in our grade, and you jumped at the chance of him and I dating so we could go on double dates together. We went on one double date together, and I thought it was the worst decision ever. My relationship crumbled quickly, unlike you, I was just not okay with commitment and trusting others. A week after the double date, I found out that your boyfriend did not like me at all and thought I was annoying. Still, to this day, he thinks very lowly of me and doesn't like me. Other friends tell me he is just jealous because I was your other half, but the thought of it still hurt.

Things got rough and I started going to other friends to talk about how upset I was with you. Eventually, I confronted you, and you stayed on his side. That, right in that moment, was the turning point in our friendship. Things were just never the same after that day. We hung out three times over the summer before we both went to college. Texts stopped all together, except for when you saw something online that reminded you of some memories or when you were having problems with your boyfriend. We hung out for the first time since Christmas break last week, and boy was it awkward. It was quite evident that we have both matured and our friendship had not.

I really do hope that our friendship matures up as we grow up. Maybe college is just a bumpy road for us? Everybody has rough patches in their friendships, right? I guess things just need a bit of time to mature. Until then, though, I have wonderful memories to cherish thanks to you. Hopefully, we can walk out of this even better of friends. Because, after all, we did promise each other that we would be the maid of honor in each other's wedding.

Love,

Your High School Best Friend