To The Anxiety I Don't Want To Hate | The Odyssey Online
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To The Anxiety I Don't Want To Hate

I hate you but I don't want to.

Dominique Scripter
Jun 05, 2017
Bowling Green State University
17
To The Anxiety I Don't Want To Hate
Pixabay

Dear anxiety,

I don't know if I will ever be able to get rid of you completely or to stop thinking less of myself because of you, but I will learn how to live a fulfilling life with you in it. You control so many decisions that I make and you have caused me to miss out on a lot in life. You're also something that nobody wants to talk about because we fear that you will make others think less of us. As I get older I learn more and more about the best ways to actually live with you but I still don't know how to stop letting you control me. You don't consume me though, I know that the thoughts I have aren't true and that I am better than you let me be but sometimes they do take over all my other, more rational thoughts and they allow me to think so low of myself.

I hate that part of me but I don't want to.

I don't hate that you have allowed me to become stronger, you've allowed me to find self-love and self-compassion, you've allowed me to accept my vulnerability. But I do hate that you let me think less of my social abilities, you've allowed me to only focus on you and how you make an everyday situation a new challenge for me, you've caused me to feel exhausted after a simple conversation, you've caused to care too much about what others thought, and even though I feel all of these things every day I still don't know how to explain the way you make me feel and how everything is different for me than for someone without anxiety and because of that I hate you. But I don't want to hate you because that would mean hating a part of who I am. So how do I live a happy, fulfilled life without you weighing me down every day and holding me back from being the best version of myself? How do I allow myself to invest myself fully into a situation or relationship without you creating unnecessary fears? Maybe I'll never know how to completely deal with you or maybe I'll continue to grow and will keep learning how to live wit you but I can't help but wish you weren't a part of me and sometimes I can't help but let you take full control over me. Despite all of this though, I just want to be able to understand you more or to be able to live a genuine life even if you're a part of it.

Sincerely,

Someone who feels overwhelmed by you

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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