A letter to my anxiety.
Hello. I would like to say it’s been a while but let’s be rea,l it hasn’t been a while since I last saw you. I see you almost everyday… guess you can consider yourself a friend. I wouldn’t though. There’s a few things I’ve noticed about you, and I question it a lot. Why are you always like this? To clarify, you’re always making me nervous and make me think that something bad is going to happen to me every time you’re around. Why do you like to put me in these certain moods? You know, the ones where I zone out in space and think about a certain thing and harp on it for a good 30 minutes? Or the moods where you have my heart going 500 mph with a million things running through my mind and make me worried about my future? Why is it that every time I try to have a good day, you come around and make it worst? I don’t want you around but you come around out of nowhere. It doesn’t make sense to me of why you started being in my life in the first place, to be quite honest. Is this a normal thing? Is it normal to feel this way almost 24/7 for the past year or two? Why is it I have so many questions about you that never seem to be answered? When you’re out with your friends, trying to have a good time… you’re always there. In the corner, being silent until there’s a random thought that pops up in your head. Even better, when you’re sitting in your room and then feel sudden cycles of paranoia and nervousness like you have to protect yourself from nothing. Do you come into other people’s life like this or is it just a me thing? That’s a silly question but I wonder if I’m always going to have this “friend” around my whole life. Is there ever a way to get rid of this friend? I’m pretty sure friends are not supposed to make you feel like you’re scared and nervous to be around them. I almost feel like my anxiety is a twin and this twin follows me around either shaking like a little dog when it’s scared, or like it’s trying to make me feel like a certain way. So friend, just like any other friend that was toxic to me, I’m going to have to ask you to kindly leave.
A girl who doesn’t want to feel this way anymore.