Sometimes "I love and miss you" doesn't cut it.
And there's the text. "I love and miss you." Three times a year: my birthday, Easter and Christmas.
No. You don't love or miss me. You love and miss who I used to be. Since you left, I've changed. My goals, my dreams, what I want out of life they're all different. The person you claim you love, she's in the distant shadows.
Actions speak louder than words. In our case, it's the execution. Saying those words means nothing to me anymore. You have to show me. Give me your time, make an effort and show that you want to get to know the new me and maybe your words can mean something again.
The long-term effects.
Because of you, I have to have "the talk." What happened to me that it isn't easy for me to trust people? And believe me when I say I hate how long it takes me to trust someone. I ask myself hundreds of questions before giving anyone the pass over my wall of trust. A small part of me always feels the need to push people out. But this instinct formed from my inability to trust. You took on the job as a father to teach me about trust. It was your job to teach me to seize opportunities, meet new people, put myself out there. Instead I learned that everyone leaves. Including the one man who I thought would never do anything to hurt me.
It will be your loss, not mine.
If this experience has taught me anything its how to be strong. I can't be mad at you anymore, because you were more content doing other things than going to my soccer games or even simply watching a movie. I've learned how to appreciate the people who were actually there in my time of need. I learned that when things get hard, it is more important to fight it than to cowardly walk away.
I should have been put first. Being a parent equals sacrifice. A sacrifice you weren't willing to give up. Because every girl deserves unconditional love from a man -- her father. In the long run, I won't be the one who's hurt. Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone truly special to be a dad.
Lastly, don't pretend what you did and what you've continued to do is OK.
You've seen the tears, you've read the texts and heard the countless angry phone calls.. Yet still, nothing has changed. You seem to be content and pleased with yourself and how you've made me feel. There will be days, I think, that it finally hits you, but then it goes back to the same old thing. If you want a relationship with me, you need to prove that you deserve it. The small moments aren't going to cut it forever. Forgiveness doesn't just happen on its own.
Remember this was your choice. You let your selfishness get in the way of our relationship. If you want to repair what we have you're going to have to work to gain my trust for you, my love for you and my respect for you back.
I don't know what happened and how you became so selfish. And I've come to terms and realized I probably never will. But because of you, I have grown into a strong young woman. I have a strong set of values, morals and most importantly a strong head on my shoulders. All I have left to do now, is reflect on how this experience has allowed me to grow into a better person.
I'm not afraid to say how I feel anymore. I hope someday you'll understand. You may be my father.. but to me, you'll never be my dad.
