This letter is one that I'm not too sure I'm ready to share, but that I'm absolutely certain I'm ready to write. To my family, friends, or anyone who's reading this, I promise that this isn't how I feel all the time, or even right now - I just wanted to verbalize how I do feel at "low" times to try and show myself that these thoughts aren't rational and that this version of me is abusive, disgusting, and someone I should never listen to. This is not a cry for help, and I promise that I am okay. This is me getting better.

Dear 8 year-old Hannah,

I want you to know that I hate everything that you will become. Every day, you'll pretend like you contribute to those around you, when all you actually do is serve your own selfish desires. You are a wasteful burden. Out of the 7.6 billion people on this planet, how can you remotely have the arrogance to think you matter, and that you'll ever matter?

What have you done for anyone else? Nothing. You don't have a single generous bone in your body. You're a thief - you steal other people's time, their energy, their happiness. And you're so manipulative that no one realizes you're doing it to them. You're friends and family are all blind to this, and they'll tell you how much they love you and care for you - they're just feeding the monster that hides behind the mask.

Your family will be unhappy, but they stay together for you. Your mom will worry that if she were to leave, you'd suffer. She'll spend the next decade overworked, stressed out, mentally abused, and deal with bouts of depression, all for you. Will you ever once shown her how much she means to you? No. You'll just treat her like an ATM, right? Say thank you for once, god damn it!

You'll know your dad is sick, but instead of helping him, you'll hurt him by screaming at him and telling him that you don't want him in your life anymore - all because you wanted to date a boy who fulfilled your desire to hear that you're pretty. You narcissistic bitch... and then when you get close to losing him, you'll show empathy, but not because you love and care for him, but because you're afraid to lose someone who can give you something. He'd be so much better off without you. They both would. Do you care about anyone other than yourself?

Your sister will grow to hate you; almost as much as I do. You'll constantly be mean to her - taking her toys, her clothes, excluding her when you're with others, isolating her from your life. She'll have to grow thick skin to deal with your vindictive nature. It'll reach a peak when you put your hands around her throat and try to squeeze the life from her.

And for what? A fucking t-shirt. You almost kill your sister over a fucking shirt! What the fuck is wrong with you?! How do you become so fucked up that you'd ever hurt her? You're supposed to protect her! You should have killed yourself just for that. You worthless piece of trash. You'll never deserve her forgiveness.

I'm sorry that your family will ever have to be around you. You'll make empty promises to them and lie to their faces. You are the filth that walks this earth. And I'll bet you money that they've felt this way too. What's sad is that they feel like they have to stay with you and that they have to love you.

I guess that makes sense though. What's baffling is why anyone who isn't obligated to be around you would want to be around you. You'll constantly let people down. You'll say one thing and then do the other. You won't respect the boundaries people set for you. You'll make promises you can't keep.

You will be the epitome of the word two-faced. You can't listen to others and how they feel, you won't show any form of appreciation for the things that others do for you, and frankly, and you'll be the most mediocre, insignificant friend anyone could have.

You'll hurt those closest to you, and for that reason alone, you shouldn't be breathing. You are a waste of the valuable resources this world has to offer. You don't deserve life.

- Your Depression

I know that if I ever met this person on the street I would run in the opposite direction. If this person ever said anything like this to anyone I cared about, I'd do everything in my power to make them disappear. Yet for some reason I let this person say these things to me. I let this person abuse and berate me.

I'm done letting myself hurt me.