To the former love of my life,

For the longest time, you were it. You were the moon and the sun and every single star in the sky. I fell in love with a goofy, fun, smart and incredibly geeky kid who seemed to get me inside and out. Too bad I fell out of love with a person who was cold, negative,and unwilling to change or help themselves.

We met in 8th grade in Art class. I don't remember my first day and I don't remember the first we said to each other but I know that on the first day of art you were sitting with a friend of mine and me being the new kid, I clung to her in hopes that I wouldn't look so out of place. You and I hit it off. We found out that we were on the same bus, and we had the same type of humor. We became sort of unlikely friends, not hanging out all the time but talking whenever the chance arose. As the year progressed and as we graduated into high school we even hung out a few times; running around the elementary school cracking jokes and just being crazy while my cousin and your siblings had concerts. It was amazing and fun, something as easy as breathing.

For the next three years we would ride the bus together and talk almost daily, then we'd also have German together. We were connected by a couple of thin strands but that never mattered. We had fun together, we had some crazy shenanigans too. Remember when you had left over snickers bars on the bus and you almost sold one for five dollars? That was insane. Or that one time when we mixed Mountain Dew, Sugar, Mio lemon flavoring and a metal can tab all together just see what would happen. We were young and crazy and for the longest time I called you one of my best friends.

I can still remember when I first realized that you were handsome, shockingly so. I'd never noticed much, you'd always just been Conrad. Not sexy, not cute, not "boyfriend material", just a friend. Yet as we spent more time together playing Dungeons and Dragons, or me giving you rides I saw a lot more to you than I'd ever realized. You were smart, amazingly so, and you were so sweet. I loved your company. I loved being around you. So, what else should I do but ask you to a movie? Well I did for about three weeks until I think you finally got the hint and said sure, You picked me up in your fancy new car, we went and saw "Hot Pursuit" and you sang to me in your adorable and crazy voice. That right there was the start of the most insane, lovely and beautiful time of my life. I wasn't just in love with a boy who had a nice car and an infectious smile, I was in love with my best friend.

I was living in a fairy tale, yet I should have seen it coming. I should have known that the perfect relationship can't last forever no matter how badly you want it to. As your home life declined and our lives started to change our relationship declined as well and I'll be the first to say how sorry I am. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to weather the storm. I'm sorry that no matter how hard I tried, I never felt like I could help you. All I wanted was for you to be happy and do amazing great things in life but I think I pushed too hard. I was so excited. Excited to be free of our small town, excited to go to college and become an adult that I didn't stop to think that maybe you weren't ready for a whole new change. Your life was changing enough and I was just steamrolling ahead. You and I were perfect but we were just changing at different paces. Ultimately, that's what ruined us. We became very different people at all the wrong times and the stress of it all drove a wedge in between us that I don't think can ever be fixed.

You and I Conrad, we know each other inside and out. You know all of my dirty little secrets, all of my idiosyncrasies, all of my dumb little habits and my most annoying traits. You've dealt with my morning breath and you've held me as I cried. I've done the same for you. I spent over a year of my life learning the way your hands fit with mine and how you hate your feet and how you're absolutely terrible at cleaning your glasses. For six long, beautiful years I've learned you and you've learned me. We've fit together like two puzzle pieces. I miss that. I left you two months ago and there isn't a day that goes by where you don't cross my mind at least once. I miss talking to you in German. I miss cooking delicious dinners with you and building blanket forts as we watch Doctor Who all night long. I miss us and the way we used to be.

Some things though can never be attained, like a failed midterm or a failed relationship. You cannot repeat the past, it's impossible, Gatsby proved that. No matter how much I miss talking to you, some things aren't capable of being reversed. All the harsh words shared, all the mean looks, whispered comments and rash texts messages can't be forgotten. I'll regret the way things ended between us until I'm old and gray. I'll miss the way we were for probably just as long. So in short, I wish you the best. I hope you find happiness and love and luck. I hope you become a successful game programmer and open your own business. I hope you meet a girl who can ride the roller coaster called life with you and I hope she makes you the happiest man on Earth. God knows you deserve it.

Mit viel Liebe,

The Girl Who Broke Your Heart