I never thought that there would come a day where I would have to say this. I don’t want to; it hurts. The thing is though, you’re not here anymore. How am I supposed to ask you for advice? How do we celebrate your birthday? What about holidays? There is just a lot of “what happens now?” and it’s heartbreaking. What was even more shocking was hearing that you’re not doing so well. To get that message in the morning and not being able to be there as you try to fight on. The updates on how you were doing made my body tense up with fear, and the tears threatened to come. Days had passed and eventually it started being okay, it was okay if you didn’t make it. You needed to move on to not be in pain. You needed to go, be happy, and not be struggling in a pale, sterile, bright hospital room. Don’t feel bad about leaving us here, we’re all strong and will band together to live on. You will live on in our hearts, never doubt that, ever.

There was so much unsaid before you left. The fact that you were a great uncle, a great man, a great husband, a great companion, and a great all-around person. You didn’t deserve to have your life cut short, but honestly no one knows how life works and it’s cruel intentions. It’s so weird to think just last week you were living, and getting ready to go play a friendly sport with your friends. It's weird to drive past men and women playing golf and thinking you will never be out on the green again. It’s weird that out of everyone on the Earth, you were chosen. It’s not fair.

You made an impact to my life and to others. I have so memories I will never forget. The hot summer days when you pushed my cousins and I off the dock at camp. The holiday memories, Christmas, the Fourth of July, Easter, and all the others. The 'congrats' on being a year older on my birthday every year. The times you made fun of the way I made a s’more on the Fourth of July. The business you created with my dad. The support you gave to not only me, but everyone else in our family. To think upon the upcoming holidays and to not see your face there is the worst. You loved my aunt, you loved your dog, you loved our family. You took care of others around you. Others have memories themselves, and I have mine of you and what you did. It’s hard to wrap my mind around the fact that everything about you now is just memories. I don’t want them to be just memories, I want there to be more. I don’t want it to end, not yet at least.

I know you can’t hear or see this, or maybe you can, but I know you’re there. I know you’re still in my memories, I know you're still in my life and my heart. You won’t be forgotten, ever. Just because you're not walking alongside me physically, doesn’t mean you aren’t spiritually. You aren’t just going to be gone, even if you are gone. I want to say goodbye isn't the word to use, but I won't see you so goodbye is the word to use. No matter how much I don't want to say goodbye to you, I have to.

I want to thank you for the memories you gave me and for the support you gave me. I want to thank you for being a part of my life and for being the man you were. I know that if I were ever in trouble, you would be there for me. There are so many words left unsaid, so here they are. I love you. Thank you. You are a great man. I am grateful.

I write in your honor, for I didn’t want to say goodbye as you were hooked up to all those machines. So goodbye, this is it. I won’t see you tomorrow, or next week, or on the holidays. Today is my final goodbye to you as you depart. I hope you’re in a land that you can play golf all day, every minute. I hope that you are at peace and not in worry. We will be okay.

With much love, goodbye to you, great man, your spirit will live on.

Forever grateful to be a part of your life,

Love, me.