Dear Anxiety,
Despite the popular belief, I don't hate you. I can't hate you because you are just another part of who I am. Even though you may make things difficult and I may sometimes despise you, I don't hate you. Because hating you would be hating a part of me.
You seem to come up at the worst possible times, but it's OK. There are days were I wish I didn't have to deal with you or that you could just be thought away along with all the bad thoughts you bring along. But that is not a reality.
You are unpredictable. The slightest thing can trigger you. It starts uncontrollably. All my energy goes to slowing down the rapid thoughts that race through my brain while still trying to catch the slightest breath. I can physically feeling you move through my body as if you are racing to a distant finish line. Except I can't keep up with you; You are out of sight faster than I can imagine.
You are inexplicable. People ask what it feels like or why it happens, but you leave me speechless. The feeling you give is never the same, yet always familiar. The reasons you exist can vary, but also seem similar. No one person's anxiety is exactly the same, so to compare you is almost impossible.
Sometimes, you go unrecognized until I realize I am tapping my foot faster than ever or playing with the drawstring on my hoodie, and that somehow these slight movements are going to help calm me before the storm.
Yet, despite all this, I don't hate you. You are not all of me, just a small part of me. You may never leave, but it doesn't mean you have to take up all of me. Anxiety, you have helped me see the beauty in the small things. I have to stop and recognize them more often so you don't come up. You made me realize the strength I have, because I can actually fight you off.
Yours truly,
Someone not overtaken by you.
