Dear Ex-Best Friend,

You decided to leave, and that's OK; we all have our own lives to live. It took me a long time after you left to actually cut you out of my life, and, honestly, I still haven't completely cut you out. Every time I go to do it, I put the knife down. Things happen in my life and I want to text you and talk to you about everything that is happening. I actually have a couple of times, but each time I was left waiting for a response that I would never receive. I still have all of the messages from our fight, but I don't read them because my wounds are trying to heal.

I want you to know that you saved my life when we became friends. I was in a miserable place and you turned my entire world around. I want you to know that you're still my best friend. Know that I can't fight for you anymore because I receive no effort in return, and I always think about reaching out to you, but I remember all the times I did and was ignored. I think of you now, and you're a completely different person to me, and I guess that's also why I don't reach out: I feel like I don't even know you. I left for college, and things kind of went downhill. I get that. The pain of this entire thing still suffocates me every day. If you messaged me within the next five minutes, I would respond within seconds. I know that our friendship is probably so far past gone that we could never be the same again, but I want that so badly. I'm missing all of the most important days of your life, just like you have missed some of my important days, and that is one of the hardest parts.

I want the best in life for you, and I guess maybe that's the reason I find myself so upset. I have your happiness and best interests at heart, and I want nothing less than the absolute best for you. It's your life to live and they are your choices to make, and maybe I should support you regardless, but understand that when everything fell apart, I couldn't sit back anymore. The girl I knew when we first became friends was amazing and perfect and had all of these incredible dreams and hopes, and I want you to fulfill those. You've worked your entire life for some things, and I know that you have given up pursuing them. That kills me to see. You sat back and supported me in the past, but now I wish you would've said something to me or told me no, because now I know that I was wrong and stupid back then. Gosh, that feels like an eternity ago. Maybe I didn't handle the situation the way I should have. I know I ignored you some days because I didn't want it to slip out, but we were both wrong.

I don't expect you to forgive me for anything. I just want you to know that I'm here without you, and I wish you were here. Sorry to go all Nickelback on you. However, I hope you're happy without me. Maybe that's selfish and rude to feel, but I hope you are, because it would be a waste for you to be upset about me when you have so much going for you. Don't throw away your dreams and your life for anybody. No one is worth giving up who you are. I know that changing is a part of life, but sometimes we change for the worst. I don't want that to happen to you. I'm here for you. I don't expect you to come to me, but I'm here. Always. Maybe I have to leave you behind and forget about you, but you could catch up and remind me. I love you.