To the people that I once considered to be close friends,
I've been thinking about you a lot recently. I'm not entirely sure why you have crossed my mind, but I can't help reflecting on how this all happened. How when we see each other on the street, we pretend the other isn't there and just continue on our way. How we haven't said a word to each other in months. How we have gone from being the best of friends to basically strangers.
And, somehow, I'm okay with that.
When we first met, I knew our budding friendship was going to have a lasting impact on me. We were all starting new chapters in our lives, it was nice having people there to lean on for support while trying to absorb all the new things that were being thrown our way. All of us were so different, but somehow we balanced each other out so perfectly. You guys were the types of people I had always wanted to be. I thought that with you by my side, this was my time to really get out there and put myself on the map. Because of how great everything was in the beginning, I actually thought our friendship was going to be one for the ages.
Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
As time wore on, things shifted between us. No longer did I feel entirely comfortable talking to you or feel as though you valued our friendship the same way I did. I began to feel like a burden to you, just someone you had to deal with rather than someone you actually wanted to be around. I didn't feel like a part of the group anymore, just the sad third wheel tagging along because people felt bad leaving me behind. I could sense that all of you were growing closer to each other and growing farther apart from me. Plans were made without me, stories were told without my knowledge, and you were constantly attached at the hip. It seemed as though you only talked to me when there was no one better around, then when someone suddenly became available, you left me just as soon as you had arrived. Nothing's wrong, it's all in your head stop being so petty was my mantra, something I said to myself over and over trying to convince myself that my friends were still my friends. I think as time went on, we had just become different people, we didn't match up the way we had before.
When summer came, it cemented the line in the sand that had begun to separate us. We still tried to make it work, but we all knew that our friendship was coming to an end. But I had never anticipated it ending the way that it did; with tears and awkward conversations and then just dead air hanging between us as you walked away.
With all that being said, I wanted to say thank you.
After our falling out, I realized just how much our friendship had stunted my growth as an individual. Throughout the entire time I had known you, I found myself constantly comparing every aspect of me to you. Every achievement I had was somehow topped and belittled by yours. I'll admit, I was always a little jealous of you. From where I stood, it seemed like you had everything I had ever wanted. I always felt as though I was just one step behind you, trying my hardest to catch up. Honestly, I don't blame you guys for this. You could never help being the social butterfly type of people that you were. It just wasn't who I was and I couldn't accept the fact that I would never be that person. It took us parting for me to finally come to that conclusion.
Now, I'm finally happy. I had never realized just how miserable I had been. I'm overjoyed with the person I've become; I've never been stronger or as comfortable in my own skin as I am right now. I can finally revel in my own achievements and be proud of what I've done, without the constant competition weighing on my mind. I have surrounded myself with people who actually care about me and want the best for me, and I couldn't be more thankful for them. I have stopped focusing on others and their actions, and focus more on bettering me for my own benefit.
It's safe to say that if our friendship hadn't happened, I wouldn't be who I am today. I am a completely different person now and partly, that's because of you. Do I wish our friendship hadn't fallen apart the way that it did? Sure, sometimes I do, but I understand that we just don't work as friends and that's okay. People drift apart and life goes on. I hope you all are as happy with the way life is going as I am.
