To whom it may concern:

I’m sorry I’ve said no to that thing you wanted to do for about the hundredth time, despite sounding interested when you first brought it up. I’m even more sorry that my excuse this time was either incredibly lame or the same as it was the last fifty, and probably pertaining to the large amount of work I have to do this weekend even though we both know that’s a lie because I’ll spend half of that on Netflix. I promise it’s not personal, even though it probably seems like it is. You don’t smell bad, I don’t find you boring, and truthfully, I probably think you’re one of the coolest people I know, because if I can discuss plans with you at all we’re probably at that level. But here’s the thing: You exhaust me. Not you, individually and particularly, I swear. But people in general. And if you’re asking me to hang out or do something, you probably fit into that category.

I don’t know what’s up with my brain, but it doesn’t really believe in that whole “humans are primarily social creatures” thing. It gets the concept, at least. It realizes when it hasn’t been stimulated from the outside for a few days, and reaches out. That’s when I get lonely, and that’s a sign that I really, really need to start saying "yes" to one of those proposals. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that, despite any protestations, nearly everyone desires companionship on some level. But most of the time, my brain thinks it’s good on its own, especially with all of those racing, personal thoughts, the things I’m physically incapable of sharing with anyone else and need some time to process. It’s perfectly content to have me swerving on the sidewalk to avoid idle chatter, and it’s pretty certain that writing alone in my bed or laughing to myself at YouTube videos is 10 times as fulfilling as a party, and much less likely to make me want to sleep for preferably forever.

I’m an introvert, if you haven’t gathered that much already. And I’ve gotten to the point where I realize I don’t need fixing; I just need maintaining.

I like interaction. Human beings generally do, psychology says. We like being listened to, and more than that, we like being understood. There are nights I want nothing more than to go out and have some fun, to laugh until my head hurts and my voice is half lost. I want to dance and tell jokes. I want to be loud and boisterous, and, if you’d just been meeting me for the first time, it would probably seem like I was an entirely different person than I usually am. But that doesn’t mean that when I get home that night, around the smiles and the weightlessness and the warmth in my chest, I’m not going to change into a pair of shorts and slink into bed completely exhausted. Because I will. Did I mention you exhaust me, but it’s in a good way? I promise.

So here’s the thing: I really want to hang out with you. I want to do fun things, and I don’t want you to stop talking to me. I want you to text me, and call me, and feel like you can constantly reach out to me. But if I don’t automatically reach back, I need you to know why. It’s not because I don’t like you, and it’s not because you’ve done something wrong. It’s because I actually cannot handle human interaction as often as most. My brain shuts down and becomes the equivalent of really gross, chunky soup, and I start longing for my bed and my earphones and I promise you that it’s not what I want to be thinking about when we’re supposed to be enjoying a good time together.

So please, don’t take it personally. Understand my "no"s, but anticipate my "yes"es, too. Let me watch Netflix alone for a weekend, and then try again and invite me to a concert. I want to go, I really do. But in between every night out, I need some time to process, to think, and to rest. I need time to come back to myself, to relax, and to prepare myself for the next "yes." It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me.

So put up with my lame excuses for another weekend, and understand that "I have so much work to do" probably just means "Hey, I need to put headphones in for a few hours and think or I’ll explode." Chances are, the next time I’ll be all for it.